Sunday 25th March 2007, and at last John could get his Kona Kikapu up to the Seven Stanes and give it a raking on his first visit to THE trail. Or at least that was the plan as we'd waited months for a decent day's weather to let him try out the ride and his new bike together. However, it was not to be due to unforeseen evil teenage tendencies, so it's back on hold. That didn't stop Andy, Jason and Terry making the trip, kicking off at a decent hour and arriving earlier than ever before at 11.15am, 7 degrees and rising.

I should first of all, by way of an apology, offer a few words to our Reivers colleagues who weren't with us (or vice-versa) today on Glentress' famous Helly Hansen V Trail, otherwise known as "the Black". You missed two things by being out on sparse Northumbrian moorland instead of Borders Heaven - first, a great laugh at our Old Idjit as he suffered a ridiculous succession of punctures, one after the other, within the space of a couple of miles - and second, plenty of rests as our Old Idjit suffered a ridiculous succession of punctures. Somewhere around here within these hallowed but as yet unread pages, you'll find me sounding off about Slime and how it could be a great solution for puncture-proofing your MTB. Read a bit further here, however, and you may find me slagging it off big-time. Or not.

Today it was time to give my Kona Coiler Soopah (my name) a deserved run out after an extended rest due to it's basic unsuitability for the winter rides we've been doing, mainly with the Reivers. Latest mods to the bike were to remove the 44 tooth Middleburn SlikShift outer chainring (I don't go fast enough to use it), put on some much lighter tyres (Specialized Chunder Pro 1.9" replacing Maxxis 2.5" High Rollers) and filling the inner tubes with the aforementioned Hulk Blood. Weight of the bike is now a very satisfying 31.5 lbs and without extreme measures and loadsa dosh is about as far as I can take it and still leave it as a brute 6" travel Freerider.

Also today Andy had a new mount to try, which he's just built up with bits from his Scott onto a smashing, lightweight Ellsworth Truth 4" travel frame. Without trying too hard he's got a bike approaching the weight of Jay's new Whyte E5 but at significantly lower cost.  After seeing it in action today I have a strong fancy for one of these myself, but they're too expensive as new parts. So off we went on the long drag up to the start of the Black Route at the Buzzards Nest car park. And miraculously, the Gollum made it all the way up there in the saddle, a first for him. Then onto the Black proper and still all three stayed mounted for the duration of the initial climbs, Golly just stopping half a mile short of the Helly Hansen Hut for his first bikewalk. Feeling good and filling up with energy food, could he reach the Radio Mast by pedalling?

the mist starts to evaporate atop the V Trail Andy and Jason chat up a female biker they couldn't get much out of her but she lives in the Borders as an exiled Geordie and she's 34FF - 22 - 34, climbs like a squirrel and jumps like a rabbit.  Can't see the attraction myself.

Here they are after emerging from their "chat" with her in the Hut, sorting out their riding equipment.

And here's Golly trying to escape to the Mast the easy way, without his bike, but he was spotted and dragged back

After a decent lunch break, and once the other two were diverted from snivelling around the lady, it was time to enjoy the delights of the first decent downhill section, Britney Spears. So we loaded up but just as we were about to climb on board, the Gollum squealed "I've got a flat!". Further investigation revealed a nice thorn embedded in the tyre. No prob, the Slime will deal with that. But the Slime didn't. Although it started spraying out of the hole it didn't coagulate and therefore didn't seal it. So Golly slapped on a patch double-quick, but perhaps he should have glued it instead of slapping it on because it blew off on first inflation! Second try cracked it with a micro patch from Jason and soon after we were off to do Britney. This is a great twisty, fast singletrack drop and the only female Golly was likely to get near. Andy led this one managing to comfortably keep the other two at bay, obviously happy with the handling of the Ellsworth. He looked a different rider on this thing. Time for the Gollum to take his second walk now as the side wind hit the trail up to the Mast on Dunslair Heights.

From there it was time for sheer enjoyment as the first of the V Trail's many joined-up singletrack chunks came into view. We dived into the trees and headed towards sea level at a fair old rate with no incidents and a lovely dry trail. Another section following a short run alongside the dry stone wall, which the first three or four sections pop out to meet, again proved fast, great fun and uncomplicated. However, Golly had noticed a bunch of riders catching us ever since we left the mast, and half way through the third section he was joined by their fastest rider. Making way for the intruder, Golly yelled at Jason a few bike lengths ahead to move over, which he did by stopping at the trail side. Golly flew past hard on the heels of the stranger only to batter his back tyre to death on the rocky switchbacks. He pulled in and yelled "got a flat" to the flying Jay who was now hunting down the cheeky chappie in front and going too fast and enjoying himself too much to stop. So that left the Gollum by the trailside on his ownsome and he set about fixing puncture number three. Not wanting to keep the others waiting too long, he once more slapped on a patch and was on his merry way again five minutes later.

Going a wee bit faster than normal, he'd only travelled a few hundred metres of super singletrack when there was a violent snaking at the back of the Coiler, and the unmistakable clatter of rim onto rock. Bummer, there goes another one. He knew the end of the trail wasn't much further, so he chose to run down the rest of it with the bike, taking to a lethal steep, slippery gully to cut off the last few loops of the trail, where he could now see Jay and Andy sunbathing with not a care in the world. Sods. This time he realised he'd caused the snake bite puncture himself by not pumping hard enough after the repair but he just couldn't. Must get some gas canisters. Anyway, out came the tube and it was shot to bits with a lovely big snakebite, so in went a new one and we moved on to the next section. This is the bit of trail (Deliverance) that always hammers the tyres, and gave Terry a puncture on his last visit. Luckily it didn't this time, with Andy scorching away at the front again.  Nearing the end, Jay mistimed a takeoff and landed badly, he and the E5 crashing down into a strategically placed puddle on this, the dampest section of the whole route. He got back off the floor and insisted he was OK, so on we sped to the end. Then one of the party faced a long walk up the hill while the youngsters on their flying machines zipped up there no problem, proving Jay is getting fitter after all as he prepares for a competitive ride or two!

Onward eventually through the Ewok Village, where Jay left the trail on the third steep log drop and dozy Gollum followed him, but they rejoined it easily and continued while Andy giggled at their cock-up. Golly dropped to the back leaving the village and would you believe it, "bang" and another tankslapper on the back end as the rocks took their toll again on the very last jump where the trail emerges onto the fireroad at the end of Black Dog. So we sat down for another sunbathe on this fantastic day, the first of many warm, dry rides this year, with luck. Out came tube number two, displaying a whole series of snakebites, so it was time for Terry to beg a tube from Andy. In went number three and off we went again looking for more goodies.

Well, you'll never guess what happened next. Fizz, bang and that old familiar feeling of deflation as yet another pinch puncture hit the Gollum, and if you look closely here you'll see that my home-built wheels are supposed to offer immunity to this particular type of puncture, but it just ain't so. And thanks to Jay and Andy for taking turns in trying to get some decent air volume into my treads, as I can only do very short strokes...

  Watch these pages closely some time soon as Gollum attempts to switch over to Stan's No Tubes system in an attempt to beat the puncture gremlin once and for all. Luckily the run-in to the finish was flat-free and really fast, apart from the Coiler flipping its chain off the front twice and the Gollum's little right knee copped the downtube twice extremely painfully - it's Tuesday night now and one leg is definitely purpler and yellowier than t'other. Must adjust the gear cables aswell! Anyway, great ride as always at Big G.

Bike PC said 17.2 ml, 2hrs 37min rolling time, 25.8mph max

As for Jay's Whyte E5, I can say from riding hard behind it that every time it hits a rock or lands a drop or jump it sounds like a pound or two of Cemtex just went up, and there is loud resonance from the back disc as if there was nowt left on the pads. But it flies. And as soon as I got home I was eBaying to try and find an Ellsworth Truth frame! (hoping none of this is true: - http://www.mtbr.com/reviews/Frameset/product_21356.shtml )