Sunday 26th March 2006. Theory time. Somewhere I once read an article about a race of people who knew no humour. They believed that they were put on Earth to work, without rest and without thanks. From the moment they were born to their deaths they shunned happiness of any kind, being satisfied to graft continuously from dawn 'til dusk, and do exactly the same the next day, and so on and so on...

Well, MidAirCrisis are well known for making discoveries, and today the chosen few (Andy, Jason and Terry) made another one. We actually came across this strange race in the car park at Jedburgh at 11.00am. They were the Morpeth Reivers, and they were led by a man with a pagoda on his head. Of course, I exaggerate.  It looked more like this: Here's Jay at the start in jedburgh, already hacky from last week's ride - either his washing machine's knackered or Michelle told him where to stick his brown stuff.

Well, off we trekked on another rideout with the Wansbeck Tribe on an amazingly warm morning in light of the frozen months that went before, 13 degrees by the Abbey and a fairly bright sky. Could Spring be here at last? We headed out of the south eastern edge of the town onto the Jedburgh Circular Route bridleway/cart track/trail, and straight away got sight, and feel, of the pudding that was Mother Earth after loads of recent wet weather.

On we plodded, not too vertically extreme yet, but with little relief from the constant pedal-churning agony that can create lactic acid in huge quantities, or send prospective pensioners to an early grave (me). Gavin was leading this ride and we stopped a couple of times early on as he checked his map. There were eleven of us out this time, and it's way better riding in groups this size than in twos or threes - much more congenial, but blow me if there's not a third Reiver without a helmet in this shot! Noticeably, no-one had a puncture, at least not as long as we were with the main bunch. That was against the odds with plenty of hawthorn hedge cutting going on near the town. There was a smattering of tarmac to cover along the way but on very quiet B roads so I didn't get too stressed by that. There were also a few short sections of singletrack through the trees, like this here's that amazin Amazon again, but showing she's human after all! And a couple of fireroad stretches through the forest There was quite a bit of tree damage on the edges where the brunt of the winds bash into the greenery The overall impact of the ride, however, was that it was yet again an endurance test and not a "nice" bike ride. The only diversion was after a couple of hours when Gavin pointed us at a newly constructed play area with a small scale set of Seven Stanes-style jumps and berms, but we had to trek half a mile off-route and back to sample it's delights, which were fairly short-lived but welcome as a bit of a distraction. Certainly not attractive enough to get me back for more. Our very welcome lunch break was at the edge of the windswept field we accessed down this god forsaken mudbath - Here's Andy, proud of his big shiny metal thingy and here's the other two helmetless Reivers, obviously blessed with immunity from cranial impact Lucky devils. TO BE SERIOUS FOR A MOMENT,  these three lads probably have a valid medical reason for not wearing cycle helmets, or they're just superhuman. However, they do wear sensible footwear. Unlike a certain Gollum who discovered at the lunch stop that he'd left the car still wearing his Hush Puppies. Would you like to see my puppies?

Then it was back to the grind again, churning up more mud as we literally ploughed on. Even descending in deep mud like this cancels out your advantage. At least the sky held onto it's water content to the end of our ride, but as we left early I couldn't say if the Reivers kept their heads dry. So the three of us said our goodbyes at about 3.20pm  and hit the B6357 back towards Jedburgh with the wind at our backs and the gradient at last in our favour. Shame it had to be a tarmac descent, though. We hurtled down to the A68, joining it 2 miles outside Jedburgh, and this was the scary bit for me, the Gollum being well known as a traffic hater. Survived it this time and off we shot back to the Toon for Jason to take his mammy out for Mothers Day, arriving about 4.30pm. The same reason Brian and John couldn't make this ride - Ma comes first!

And that leads me nicely back to the strange race that doesn't allow any enjoyment in the lives of its members. This is ride number three we've done now with the Reivers but all four of us who've tried them out have reached the same conclusion - these people have a real downer on Grin Factor. They score nil pwa for enjoyment. Or am I wrong? Do they sometimes seek light relief and do a ride with some payback? Anyway, we're back on track next Sunday, literally, as we look for a welcome MidAirCrisis or two at Glentress, full face helmets and full-on lunacy here we come, it's been a while. Can't wait to test me ReCoil's big Juicy Seven discs with a bit of hard stopping, and you can't do that uphill!

Come back here in a day or two - you may see the ride profile and I should have a short video with the sound of today's wind battering the forest edge.

Have you Killed A BIKE THIEF TODAY?