Firstly, it's a good 17 pounds lighter than his previous bike. Yes, I did say SEVENTEEN. Hauling the mighty Saracen around for the last two years has given him the arms of Popeye and the legs of Lance Armstrong so the Kikapu Deluxe should make him feel like he's riding bareback (don't go there...) You know what I mean. Today it got a sniff of largely flat terrain, mud, cinders, shale, wet grass and more mud. It coped pretty well and apart from missing a gear change in Holywell Dene on the run to home, it would have taken John up everything we climbed comfortably. So, a happy bunny looking forward to spending the next year or two upgrading the Kikapu, Other Half permitting!

We began by cutting through Holystone Farm onto the bridleway to Killingworth. Out onto the road at Dudley to scoot along into Seghill, then off-road again to Middle Farm and the fields over to East Cramlington. Along the B1326 to the top end of Seaton Delaval, then left into New Hartley before Andy led us onto his "Friday Training Loop" bridleway over North Moor to New Delaval. He took us left from there over Low Horton Farm and up onto the A192 at the Bedlington turn where the old Gollum begged for a stop to straighten out the saddle on his trusty Barracuda. Ten miles without a stop is just way too much for his scrawny little body these days, especially hanging onto the bars to avoid sliding onto the back tyre.

We took the opportunity to grab a bag of something, just long enough for the old fool to drop the suck valve of his Camelbak into a stagnant pool of something. Tasted lush after that. Andy hopped up the kerb just short of Bebside Hall and led us down into the trees at Humford Mill, after terry pleaded with him to turn left (west) so we could come home with the wind at our backs. "What wind?" quipped both Andy and John. Huh, we'll see. Time, thought Gollum, for a picture, as he'd just remembered why there was a block of cold metal banging into his effeminate little chest at every turn of the pedals. So, bravely guiding the 'Cuda one-handed, he proceeded to video the drop to the river in the trees below. What timing! Here's what the camera picked up, shame I wasn't a bit closer 6MB .wmv vid

Descending the very dodgy boulder-strewn track we were left at the Humford stepping stones. From here we decided to stay in the shelter of the trees as much as possible and head along the riverside. Another chance for John to test the Kikapu's climbing ability up the steep bits alongside Andy and his Scott RC30, while the Gollum just got off and pushed up, as per normal. Were these two trying to sicken me? It was working, and I'm more determined than ever to get hold of something well under 30 pounds to see if it makes any difference to the amount of shoes I wear out in a year.

We ran the River Blyth bridleway to its end, then it was back onto tarmac up the very icy and steep hairpins to Bebside. Gollum begged the others to stop here while he had a quick snack, it seemed we hadn't even freewheeled since we left the Golly cave! After five minutes respite we joined the A193 to cross the A189 onto the bridleway past Asda, then finally turning south again with the railway on our right to Newsham. Over the level crossing there and through the houses to the west side of the golf course down through Lysdon Farm and Seaton Red House Farm before joining tarmac again at the eastern edge of New Hartley. We followed the road out towards Delaval Hall and once more it was bridleway south to Holywell Dene. Ah, playtime. Well, not really. Andy issued a challenge - could anyone get up the approaching steep section without dismounting? Probably not, but we were all game for a laugh. Unfortunately I got there much later than the other two, preferring to save a drain of energy for my attempt. That turned out to be pathetic, but I don't think they made it either - I'll find out later.

We were now on the home run (and the wind was getting stronger), through the fields at East then West Holywell to the east of Backworth, crossing the A186 at Shiremoor and down the cycleway to the foot of Silverlink Stairs, the massive wooden staircase that drops (or rises!) from or to the top of the hillock where they've stuck a dirty great sundial and maps showing various landmarks at several point around the horizon. The intention was to let John (well, force him, actually) to try the Kikapu down these horrors with it's miniscule four inch elastic bands. Just to ease his mid, Gollum tried it first down the last few steps and it felt fine, no scares. So, off went Johnny pushing to the top, while we mulled around the foot of them wondering;

a) would he do it or chicken out at the top

b) would we need to press "999" on our mobile phones

No need to worry. He just did what you must, and that is ride straight off the top without stopping to study the landscape. When he reached the bottom successfully and without fuss, he proclaimed it to be "pretty smooth", and I have to say it made a lot less noise during the descent than either my Coiler or Barracuda. Top marks to Kona's suspension designers yet again. Andy graciously declined the opportunity to pit the Scott against the sunken railway sleepers, but I can't blame him as he doesn't have a quick release seat post clamp and I certainly wouldn't recommend anything but hanging right off the back for this particular obstacle. Here's the 5MB .mpg vid

We parted company with Andy at this point, as he continued south to home (probably turned west and nipped over to Newcastleton for a few Red Route laps) and we turned west to Terry's where John's car was waiting to carry the mud-caked but now much loved Kikapu back to base at Cramlington. We thought we'd overdone things last Sunday with an unwitting four hour trek, but even that was exceeded this time thanks to Andy's "we'll just do this bit" extensions. Four and a quarter hours and 27 miles without much relaxation - no wonder I hurt as I scribble this.