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Crumbs! We had advertised our decision to do Kielder a fortnight before and were quite surprised to see that the Reivers had the same idea just a day or two before this Sunday, so we decided to join them, meeting at Lewisburn, Kielder Water at 10.00am. Brian, John and Terry in attendance after Jason had to cry off due to domestics (kills 99% of all known germs).

Derek was ride leader for this one and he got us underway a little after ten fifteen, heading away from the picnic area through the trees and at a fairly brisk pace. So much so that calls from the back, and pleas from Julie at the front, got the pack stopped for a breathing session and regroup.  Strangely flatish territory for a Reivers ride in places, and even quite relaxing coming back, of which more later. We were headed for the Nine Stanes Stone Circle over the border. Before that we had to tackle the d-r-a-g up to Bloody Bush.  That was the usual knackering, Reivers-type climb, but the drop through Hurklewinter Knowe was massively fast on the mainly flat and dusty dual track. Unfortunately it was a bit more than dusty in places, and the Old Daft One (Gollum, aka me)  managed to fly off the side on a tight left hander at around 25mph, just hanging on to the ReCoil and being able to continue down to the B6357 at Dinlabyre.

It was light climb time again up to the hamlet of Steele Road. Passing through it, the group split into two somehow, with Derek leading 8 of the bunch out of the village including John, while Brian and Terry were at the back with Gavin. The latter stopped to look at his map, convinced the main group had passed the turnoff. I've marked this on the map below, little flag centre left. The other two stopped with him and watched the gaggle disappear over the last brow in the tarmac ahead.

There followed an intense period of no activity. It lasted about 5 minutes, while the three hoped to see little heads bobbing back over the crest towards them. It was not to be. So they cruised down the hill to the main road at Steeleroad-end. Luckily, the friendly native who lives in the cottage there came out to inform us that the peloton had skedaddled up the main road again which forms a loop around Steele Road. Trouble is, the three couldn't decide what to do for the best, having expected Derek's gang to send a runner back. We backtracked to the village and sent mine truly down the road apiece to try the same technique, but I couldn't see a soul. We now know that if we'd waited a bit longer (we DID wait 10 reasonable minutes) we may well have re-grouped at the south end of the loop.

Anyway, Gavin's map pointed us back on course, so after leaving word with a local couple making out in their back garden, we proceeded to follow the route out west from Steele Road, maybe hoping to see bodies after gaining a bit of height. (FOLLOWING THE OBVIOUS UPSET LATER ON (keep reading) I MUST REPORT THAT GAVIN ASKED BRIAN AND I WHAT WE THOUGHT WAS THE BEST COURSE OF ACTION, AND I WAS ALL FOR CONTINUING). That wasn't working either, so we just got on with it. A few minutes later a silver Rover pulled up and the driver reported that he'd seen our people heading towards "the disused railway". Our luck was in, that's what we were looking for aswell! And it felt warm inside to know that the local population were out Reiver spotting on our behalf. Some f***ing good that was doing us.

The next part of the ride up to Newlands then onto the B6399 and up through Hermitage and Whitropefoot then finally onto the disused railway at Riccarton was one of the worst 7 miles I have ever ridden, a slow, horrible, gut-wrenching, bum-aching, forehead-leaking upward drag that looked like never ending. Half way up at around 17.5 miles from Lewisburn we passed the Nine Stanes Stone Circle but didn't bother calling in, preferring the constant slog to the top (didn't we, Gavin?). When the drag did end, we stopped at the junction for a well-deserved lunch around 1.30pm, and again maybe there could have been time here for the clan to catch up (note, we didn't find out they'd been behind us until the end of the ride).

Remounting, we followed the disused railway gently down to Riccarton Junction. This pic is looking back the way we came (from the right fork). Here's the old signal box: and here it is standing further back for a better view! Quite an impressive building, don't you think?

 We had a couple of choices from here. Well, two, to be precise - go left, or go right. Gavin had another gander at his map and decided left was right, so left we went, left, right, left...

This was one of the most entertaining parts of the ride, clambering over locked gates and barbed wire fences with the bikes, then plodging through sodden, stench-ridden but so far
unridden tracks on what was left of the old lines, not a lot. But we did get somewhere and
the trail got better as we progressed.

Eventually we were dumped out onto the B6357 at the south east foot of Saughtree Fell where
a strange sight awaited us. Here, stashed behind a couple of railway cottages, was Thomas
the Tank Engine's cousin, Horace the Rank Engine. We crossed the thin sliver of tarmac,
just managing to avoid a group of ten or so mad Suzukis, Hondas, Yamahas and Kawasakis out
on a nature trail then Gav instructed us to scale the vertical green wall on the other side, in order to literally get back on track, as the old railway bridge had long since been taken away. Of course, we could have opened the throttles and attempted this 60 foot road gap like Real Mountain Bikers! The choo-choo is behind the clump of trees in the picture. Onward we rode towards Deadwater Fell in the distance, harrying the sheep as we went. Here's a pair of pervs (Brian and Gavin) trying to spy on what's lying behind the picnicker's windbreak below the trail -

This is us arriving back in God's Country (not sure if Gavin would agree with that!) - And this is the scene that awaited us back at Lewisburn - a deserted car park, as the main group was still well behind after calling in at Kielder Castle for tea and cakes. My little bike computer proclaimed a total distance of 33.55 miles at the finish, with a max speed of 32.6 (coming off Bloody Bush) and 3hrs 43 mins time on the bike. We three got back to the cars at 3.20pm, the main body catching us up an hour later. Check back here for the lynching of a certain party (or parties). also crap video coming soon...

 Keep watching and if you fancy a ride out with us, drop us a line here: bailout@midaircrisis.org.uk