Sunday 11th March 2007 was Reivers day again for John and Terry. The latter left home about 9.00am and picked John up at 9.15 ish. They began the usual mad dash to reach the ride start before it left for a change, arriving at picturesque little Kirkwhelpington Village about 9.40. When we pulled up we both noticed something moving on the back seat. Turning around slowly, carefully, so as not to spook the object, we immediately recognised it as Jason! What on earth was he doing there? Had he been there all night? Wasn't he now a National Class Cross Country/Marathon/Downhill/Adventure racer? Why was he here today? And how did he get that beautiful Whyte E-5 onto the back of Golly's car without being spotted? Reason we didn't see him was coz he's dropped a whole dress size as he strives to tune that rippling seven-pack torso into a race winner with very little alcy and loads of exercise and training. And from his Coiler Deluxe to the Whyte is a drop of another 10 or 11 pounds. Great to have him out with us again after another extended absence. And credit where it's due - he was on time at the Gollum's first thing! Below, here's somebody walking already!

Willie was Ride Leader for this one and we set off close to start time with 11 Reivers (or should I call them Specializers?) and 3 MidAirMen, heading straight for the hills on the other side of the A696 towards Plashetts. Now unfortunately my memory is crap and the batteries in my GPS went flat at West Harle 2.3 miles out so it's gonna take me some time to reconstruct our route, assuming I can. Please be patient. Or do what the rest of humanity (and huwomanity) does and don't look at this.

This was slightly new territory to quite a few riders and we were hoping for some rideable ground to cross instead of the quagmires we've been over most of this winter. Duh. Never mind that, rides is rides and I get more with the Reivers than I do at home. Sooner or later the land of sweet Northumberland will dry out and we're all looking forward to that. The biggest problem today, however, wasn't the bog so much as the wind. While we weren't affected too badly at the start, it got much worse as we gained height, as "we Reivers" always do, and at several points on the ride we were being blown off the bikes or (in my case at least) off our feet. In fact I've never been out with the Reivers and seen them stop so many times for a breather, it was that bad. The south was basking in 17 degrees while we were knocking icicles off our noses.

There was still plenty of light relief along the way, however, and a couple of opportunities to either a) kill yourself, b) maim yourself, c) drown yourself (guilty), and even d) enjoy yourself. In most cases of course, that means downward travel, and although the evil gales tried to hold us back or blow us off course the bits we had with it at our backs were smashing. Willie got a puncture just shy of Little Sweethope Lough, so we had a rest while that was fixed. Just as well, as Hell was ahead as we crossed the Wanneys. Half way along the southern edge of the Big lake he got a second flat.  Well, not really, just that dozy Gollum didn't find the thorn in his tyre the first time, telling Willie "There's nowt there, shove your tube back in". Thickie. Never trust a weedy little cretin. Anyway, Willie took it in good spirit, even passing Golly a "thanks" after he'd submerged the second tube and his head in a nearby pool to locate the puncture hole (Gollum, not Willie on Gollum, though I wouldn't have blamed him!). Gavin took full advantage of the creature's prone pose to grab a shot of him snorkelling. God, doesn't that frog spawn taste crappy?

  See Golly's finger right through Willies tube!

It was while Willie and Derek were re-fixing the puncture that I managed to grab a short blast on Jay's E-5, and what a machine it is. It flies off the mark, even under puny Gollypower®, and how he couldn't stay in front of me all day on this missile I just don't know. But of course, the new slimline Barracuda is also a flying machine and I think my mud tyres gave me the edge. The Whyte is 25 pounds, but that's 25 pounds of feathers, not lead. Fantastic. Wish they were 25 pounds Sterling (money, not Moss).

Onward from there over what looked like impassable tall grass Wanney bog. That's where the Gollum's kneecaps were also introduced to smelly bog water as his little limbs were submerged in the awaiting stench-applying water traps hidden beneath the greenery almost up to his nethers. Bit cool, it was, but it certainly reactivates a stalling brain. Aside from the hidden features of the moorland we were also climbing, but eventually we got to rideable ground again. This was repeated a couple of times as the ride progressed. Unfortunately the enjoyable down bits were mainly on stony or tarmac dual surfaces, not through the trees, although the last section of the ride through Fourlaws Forest was nice and fast with a finally favourable tailwind and some shelter.

Remarkably I got up a few hills today, trying to tailgate Willie and Derek at various times. We stopped at the top of one such long drag so Julie could admire and criticise the new barn conversions, and good old Gollum promptly fell off after forgetting to unclip yet again. Luckily everybody saw this one (?)... More stony dual farm track and skinny tarmac followed over Green Rigg which had the wind almost completely head-on, but we stopped on the A68 (point 617 on map below) for what I thought was an early lunch, but was just a stopgap. Hate riding away with a banana half way down me tubes. As we dipped down towards Bellingham we hopped off west onto more very windy and steep bridleway down towards Lowshield Green as we neared the turning point of our loop. This is where we stopped for lunch (point 618) aside Prestwick Burn in a nice sheltered dip. Here the conversation turned to all that was wrong with the world before talk of summer holiday rides sprang up. But the call of the wild beckoned.

Here's Johnny pushing an old signal box outa the way so the lads can ride past safely

More Milk Tray being delivered while John rides shotgun

We headed north through Buteland hamlet and then east onto the old, disused railway line weaving between Hexham and Morpeth at Rede Bridge which was wet, grassy and still very hard work in the wind. Willie dropped us off that at Broomhope Mill and we sped (!) west all the way to Chesterhope Common where he really stiffed us by leaping onto the old Roman Road of Dere Street. Savagely uphill, slippery and still wind-opposed this was a real killer. Somehow John and myself managed to keep Willie in sight but this particular section typified Reivers rides - good job I wasn't wearing the old HRM today, it would have shut me down only yards from the road. We were about two thirds of the way around now, and again approaching the A68 over yet more impassable marshland, more damp footwear and plenty of carrying going on. Again Willie and Derek stayed ahead riding as much of it as they could - very difficult.

Reaching the wall at the side of the A68 opposite the entrance to the Fourlaws evergreens it was time for another puncture. This time, however, it was caused not by a thorn, but by a chainring tooth. How so? A crash? Nay, by the idiot Gollum again, this time dropping the Barracuda on his right Achilles as he lifted it over said wall. Nugget. That hurt for real, almost to the point of tears, but there were people watching so the Hole in the Heel was ignored with a grimace. Luckily we stopped for another break just inside the protection of the woodland so the pain had time to subside before the briskly paced blast through the fireroads to tarmac again at Hepple Heugh. That's where the Old Fool managed to convince a few that he'd thrown up after finding a couple of pools of noxious human regurgitation on the road at the gate. Carrots and spuds - luverly.

From there it was smooth tarmac and no incidents until we turned off to cut through the farm at Horncastle, arriving back at the cars around 3.30 pm I think. I've probably missed out any interesting stuff but it's now Tuesday afternoon and I can't remember any more.

Here's something different - I've got a new toy:

Revised (remembered!) route esp between points 617 and 618

Bike PC said 23 miles exactly, max 33mph (non-tarmac), average 6.7mph  and 3hrs 25mins rolling time. Unfortunately it can't take head-on hurricane force wind into account.