Beautiful, warm sunny day. Not a full squad as four of us had been to the cycle-promotions.co.uk event at Gateshead Leisure Centre in the morning to do battle with the Lycra Roadie Grannies (no, grab a bargain), then dispersed to meet later for a gentle ride up river to put some miles on the legs. We'd stopped on the Tyne riverbank at Prudhoe Country Park to spy on a couple petting on the shore and have a quick bite (?). So far, so good. Off again, we dropped Dave near his place and continued merrily on our way at a brisk pace to get John home in time to collect his daughter Rachael.

Then we came across this:-

Ignore Jason for the moment. Look at the car just left of his head. John and I had come down that pavement (it's a cycleway aswell) towards the bus shelter. Jason chose to stay on the road. Approaching the bus shelter, John headed behind it. Terry the Wise Ancient One, however, found a better route.

Now look at the bike perched on the kerb. See how the bike neatly fills the gap between the edge of the shelter and the edge of the kerb. Pretty damn neat, no? And there's that bus route list sticking out a bit further, made from soft and gentle stainless steel. Not really room to get through there at 20mph, in fact at any speed. Not room for a human, maybe. But if you are Skeletor or Gollum, you might just squeeze through. On the other hand, you might f****** NOT.

Summing up then, Gollum, conqueror of The Slab weeks before has just ridden at fair tilt straight into a bus stop. A solid, immovable object that took ten council workmen three Sunday shifts (double time) to bury into the pavement so it couldn't blow away. Or be stolen (this is Scotswood). It hurt like crazy. Unconsciousness beckoned me as I hit the road very hard, had not the pain from every possible direction hitting my brain cell required me to throw up first. Good helmet (Specialized Airforce cheapo) saved my cranium, but six hours later I had the biggest hangover you've ever encountered although I'm tee-total. I could move my fingers and left arm but not much more.

Therefore, I now officially launch the campaign to get rid of bus shelters. Get rid of these serious Hazards to Health. In fact, get rid of Public Transport. Even the bits that stand still are dangerous. And at the same time, save our Councils all that overtime (demand a reduction in your Council Tax). You know it makes sense. I'm christening the campaign FABS, F*** All Bus Shelters. Let's hope that's how many we end up with.

I'm really quite ill now - off to bed after posting this update.