Once again we teamed up with the Morpeth Reivers for a nice little bike ride on Sunday 9th April 2006. This one starting in the little Swaledale town of Reeth, just west of Scotch Corner through Richmond.

This one saw the return to the saddle of Michael, aka Rolly (roll-your-own), choosing to bring his Kona Kahuna following advice from Terry on the type of ride this was (XC). Brian was also out today, his harsh work rotas meaning he can only escape with us around once a month. After this ride he'll probably ask for extra Sunday duty, but more of that later. Gollum picked Jason up at 08:15, Brian at 08:30 and Michael around 08:50, leaving Gateshead at 9.00am. We scurried down the A1M to Scotch corner with the bikes clinging to the airborne trailer, and turned off on the A6108 to Richmond, then on via the B6270 to Reeth, nestling between three fairly high moors. When we arrived around 9.55 the Reivers were almost ready to set off on the ride, but, gentlemen (and Lady) that they are, waited for us to get ready (and pay our dues!).

So off we trolled around 10.20 ish looking for the nearest vertical escarpment to climb, and finding it quickly under the direction of fatboyreiver (Dave H). Here's an interesting definition of "Reiver":

mounted raiders who stole livestock and goods and engaged in a highly organized “protection racket.”

Everything fine then. We'd paid our protection money so away we went. Now this is hilly country, and we're not (totally) stupid so we didn't expect easy. However, nor did we expect to become part of the Reivers Death Wish whereby they keep looking for harder and harder rides to see how many souls can survive them. Riding with these people can be summed up simply like this - imagine you have a normal sized mountain bike wheel attached to the sharp end of your bike. OK so far? Now imagine you have a rear wheel the same size as your biggest sprocket. Are you still with me? This gives you a machine with the following appearance:

Now imagine you're in the saddle. Do you get the feeling you're inclined slightly upwards? Are you constantly looking at the sky? Well, you are now a Reiver. Never travel down-the-way, always travel UP. Of course, I exaggerate. Later on we actually covered some ground that assisted gravity. Read on.

We'd gone walked about a mile up this cliff face when it was time for a nice landscape shot of stark, barren moorland. I reached down for my trusty digicam and  - oh, oh. It wasn't dangling around my neck in it's usual position. Bummer. We'd left in such a rush so as not to delay the start that I'd forgotten to take it out of the boot. Double Bummer. Luckily, Jason had for once remembered his, so for this ride you get the budding Cameraman of the Year's contributions. Did he have to show you my headgear? Listening to Dave as he gradually rolled out the route details to the troops, I gleaned that there were to be three "big climbs" today. This was half way up the first one. Now when a Reiver uses the phrase "big climb" you'd better believe it ain't a little one, as anything under 45 degrees and a mile long doesn't qualify. Even Michael struggled a few times

There didn't seem to be a top to this first climb, north up to Jingle Pot on Marrick Moor but eventually it sort of levelled out and I even managed a few pedal strokes rather than walking along beside the bike. We turned west at Hurst towards Jason's favourite place, Booze (I kid you not), the far left tip on the profile above. The ride became a study of dry stone walls, and particularly as we were perched so high looking down on hundreds of them, why weren't they all straight? Quite interesting. On we went, up Climb No 2, opening and closing a good few gates along the way and singing a happy song (I lied about the singing). The Reivers were their usual happy selves while we four MidAirCrisateers could only mutter obscenities under our breath. By the way, the lowest point of this ride, just south of Reeth centre, is 600 feet above sea level. As you can see, the highest point was slightly higher again.

Best Walking Bikes

Well now, I reckon I've got the two best bikes for walking. I can confidently claim that, as mine have had a lot more practice than anyone else's, certainly since we partnered with the Morpeth men. I've walked further than I ever thought possible pushing my fine steeds. If anyone had ever asked me to walk somewhere, my stock answer was that I was born in a car, and could drive wherever I needed to be. Walking, on the other hand, was for the Deerstalker crowd. Well, I've probably reached the point now where I qualify for honorary membership of the Ramblers Association.  A couple of the Reivers brave souls do have well-qualified hardtails which must by design be lighter than our six inch springers, but they consistently fail to take advantage of their pushability by riding them up the steep bits. How daft is that? Jason let the MidAirCrisis side down badly on this outing by riding his Scott up all but the most inclined inclines, shame on him. Especially as he was whinging on about having one of his regular blood-thinning sessions the day and night before and paying for it with a nauseating headache.

We actually missed a couple of turns (again?) over Arkengarthdale on this ride but Dave's knowledge of the area from previous visits turned out to be pretty impressive. His prior description to me of the number and nature of the climbs to come was spot on. Out of sheer curiosity I stayed with the bunch and didn't turn back (just kidding).  At one point mutiny was on the cards but no-one had a Bounty, only Mars, so we stayed spaced out and played follow the leader (eh?). We actually had a steep and fairly entertaining down slope to contend with at Fell End Moor which slowed the team's progress a little but was enjoyed by the less timid of the pack. I even remember smiling once.  Golly leads off followed by Michael and the rest

Excitement? Surely not!

Well, not far up the road from Booze, the Gollum had a wee MidAirCrisis. Prob? - His front disc calliper fell off the Barracuda! This was hurriedly zip tied to the top of his forks and the party proceeded up Reeth High Moor to Great Pinseat. We then got another chance to rake it down Forefield Rake, goodness me, two descents on one ride, wot next? In fact, this was thrill-a-minute for me on wet grass and slimy rocks with only a back brake. Came close to death more than once. Even bigger grin on our faces now, and yes, a bit of adrenalin pumping with Mad Mickey and his squealing Kahuna brakes breathing down my neck.   Here we are having a MidAirCrisis or two in the middle of a Reive! At this gate I got a rollicking from Julie who said I was "intimidating her" by riding close behind. This only ever happens on the downs as she's just a zoomer on the ascents where I only ever see Dave's back wheel as everyone else is long gone. Time to climb yet again up Friarfold Rake before enjoying the sheer drop you see just to the left of the highest red dot on the profile, again at the mercy of a flailing rear wheel with no help from a front brake. Hey, bits of this were becoming seriously enjoyable! I don't know exactly where we stopped for lunch, but someone had pinched the top off the local lamppost, good job it wasn't dark Onward again, and more signs of mutiny amongst the ranks as we missed another turn, although we actually looked at it and dismissed it as un-doable! We just sat back and listened   We visited the Moon next Michael wondered what he was doing here on his first ride for a year

Now then, an admission. I have a real problem with my memory. I'm at that sort of age when things start to randomly  evade my recollection. The next part of the ride is doing that. Maybe some of what I've already said is bollocks aswell? Amazingly there was another huge treat in store but I don't know if it was along the section of ride following the next climb up...the fourth peak of the second climb away from North Hush leading DOWN to Crackpot Hall. Yep, I was about to visit my ancestral home. All very interesting but I would question whether or not a plaque showing the words "Millennium Project" really fits in with a 300 year old ruin of a farm house. Regardless, we climbed all over it like ants trying to be clever about various aspects of the building. Jason's going back some time to rewire it. The final descent from here to West Wood and East Stonedale was the maddest, with Michael pushing me down all the way as fast as we could, one-legging it a lot of the time to overcome the absence of frontal braking control (that's if I'm remembering exactly where this drop came) Now, whose house is this?. It was, in places, every bit as dangerous as the daft Downhill at Hamsterley, but it at least has the excuse of being a Footpath. Oops! Did I say "footpath"? Well, yes. We did end up on a few and rode them. But not, I hasten to add, the overtly Public footpath along the riverside back at Reeth, where like the good citizens we are, and following dire warnings from Ride Leader Dave, we happily pushed our bikes for ten minutes. Ah, it's nice to be nice.

We just missed this 'orrible cloud Jay's Scott gets moody   We had a food stop at Muker, after Keld had been inhospitable when we rode through earlier. See that object on the roof? Here it is close up, poor thing. The stories about yokels and their doings with sheep look like they could be true.

"It's mine!" "No, it's mine!" as, back at the car, Michael and Terry slug it out over ownership of the bikes while Brian looks on in disbelief. Well, you've seen me moan before now about these Northern Folk (aka north of The Toon) but today the consensus was that it was a satisfying ride. For me it was very hard, and I ached around the waist and back for a few days after it. However, the dodgy descents and a couple of laughs made it worth the effort.

The GPS showed a final reading of 29.2 miles, and we were out for 9 hours, but I have to own up to completing the centre section of the route shown in the profile here manually at home because I discovered too late that the batteries had packed in! However, I don't think it was too far off the mark and one day I may get confirmation from a Reiver that I chose the right route for the missing bit.