With the collapse of plans to do the whole of Wales this week it was the substitute strategy from Chris D which provided a timely alternative. That was to do Kirroughtree on the Saturday, lie in a bag overnight somewhere and finish off with the fully-reopened Forest of Ae on Sunday, 19th July 2009. Still well down on takers, but it was again a choice few from the Club's principal supporters who hoyed their names in, those being Chris K, Jason, Tim and Chris D with Terry K filling the last seat in the GollyMobile for a cosy little excursion. So we gathered at the Cave hoping for an 08:00 getaway on the Saturday morning, but actually departing nearer 8:45 with Jason kindly volunteering to do the chauffeuring again.

A nice, leisurely drive out west got us to Minigaff, just shy of Newton Stewart, at about 12:15 with an overcast sky but nothing dripping from it, unlike the land we left behind. The caravan site is right in the town and we found it straight away thanks to Chris D's sultry Gaelic Tom Tom satnav which had entertained us all the way over there with it's droll delivery of driving instructions. It was totally unnecessary but Jason seemed to take an unhealthy attachment to it. There to greet us at camp reception was none other than the World Pie Eating Champion. Small world! Only a young lad but well on the way to an early grave, God Bless. He rolled himself out from behind his counter and dragged what used to be inch-thick Nike AirMax but were now just stick-on soles out to the courtyard and showed us where to pitch.

Anyway, he was dead canny and didn't even rip us off, charging £8 a head for the van and four tents, although someone told him we had five (tents, not heads). Make that three tents and a mobile copy of Crystal Palace, courtesy of Chris K (I was gonna say Chris' Tall Palace but that's way too corny). This one even beats Keith's behemoth from last year, having at least an extra three acres within it's grounds. It also took four of us to assemble it, or at least ensure it went up on the same day as the others and before the grass grew too long. Basic idea was to use it's front dance floor as an indoor sports hall-come-sitting room should the weather do something unusual like precipitate on us, so we pointed the door where the sun would be on our return. We did actually bring five tents, but Tim ended up staying in the Granny Flat out in the West Wing at Chris K's. We think.

There was absolutely no pressure to get away on our first ride, and that made for a very relaxed, pleasant atmosphere, one we're not used to with not even Jason hassling. The Committee decided to drive back the six miles to the Visitor Centre rather than accept the Gollum's invitation to ride those few miles back to the start, or even to intercept the Black Route at The Queen's Way, between McMoab and Heartbreak Hill, half way back to Kirroughtree. Probably for the best as that would have presented the worst climb of the lot right at the start, and a very difficult finish with no real payback.

And payback is what this place is all about. We set off at 2:30 or thereabouts as Terry led up the first steady climb from the car park. Once again the climbing here, and there is a bit to do, flatters to deceive as it doesn't just take you up, but rather up-down-up, avoiding a consistently long skyward drag as you get at most other trail centres. It's exactly a year since we rode this trail as part of our Highland Fling week-long holiday, and although it could only be described as "fabulous" and "perfect" then, it's better than that now!

Everyone took a turn at leading through a section, and although Chris K and the Gollum could only watch in disbelief at the speed of the kiddies on the climbs, we were all fairly shifting on the downstretches, although Jason seemed to be on a mission and was pretty hard to keep up with, Chris D coming closest while fighting off a terrible chesty, throaty cold. Taking his training for the forthcoming Trans Wales fairly seriously now is our Jay, including his annual "layoff the beer" stint, and it sure makes a difference. Little Chris was consistently next fastest with Tim on his tail.

It seemed that every section surpassed the one before, and if you've ever read my comments on this place from previous visits you'll know how good the climbs have been. Today, somehow, we even managed to RACE up some of them, such is the flowing nature of the singletrack with as many dips as upturns allowing you to maintain speed or even wind it up. The main discussion became how much you could stay off the brakes and let the trail do the work, and of course this was equally true for the downhills.

Not only was the trail better than you could hope for but so was the weather with this corner of the UK escaping the nasties completely, somehow. Just up the road at Turnberry there was a Tiger in the Woods at the Open Golf Tournament, but down here five MidAirMountain Lions were performing much better (we thought!).

If there's a downside at all to this place, for me that would be the fireroad stretch between The Troglodyte and McMoab which you only suffer if you do the Black, the Red having absolutely no negatives at all. Having said that, its really just a flattish cruise which does allow you to recover from the frantic singletrack action before facing this ludicrous hunk of rock sticking up seemingly artificially from the more natural terrain. This is where Jason lost his previous composure suffering a slight whoopsie between boulders and the rest of us at least dabbed or carried a few times.

We rested at the steep drop-off around the back of the thing for lunch in the hot sun, watching a Lapierre Zesty pilot drop repeatedly in front of his mates who, like us, decided to stay in one piece, and then it was time for the only real horror story if you don't like climbing. That obstacle is known simply as Heartbreak Hill because that's what it does to ordinary mortals. Jason and Chris D stormed it, out of site, while Tim took it easy and Chris K and Terry walked a bit of it. Just when you think you're at the top, you're not, but we got there eventually.

We then took a short rest on the outmost section of fireroad before launching ourselves at Black Craig. And this is really the bit that sticks in your mind because it is just indescribably superb, so I won't try and describe it. You really must ride this for yourself as it has to be the best three kilometres of singletrack combined climb and descent on the Planet, traversing the Glen of the Bar along Palnure Burn and then dropping over the fabulous Talnotry Hill. And if you can find a millisecond to take prise your eyes off what's coming the scenery looking out past the Loch of the Lowes is stunning. This trail seems just so natural that you feel as though you're creating it as you fly. Oh, I wasn't gonna describe it, was I? Just go.

We stopped for a very necessary breather when we touched down on the Queens Way again before the entertainment continued as we flew down the twisties of Hansel & Gretel, Hissing Sid and finally Jabberwocky before rejoining the Red Route grinning like five Jokers in the same pack. There's a little bit of easy climbing to do through the Twister before it turns downward yet again through the woods where you hit the Last Tango and Home Run to dump you back at the car park. We didn't even do the lush little Blue Taster Loop around the Visitor Centre which is entertaining in its own right, but were more than well satisfied with our day's work anyway and looking forward to a pleasant evening's recovery after all that stomping.

We were back at the van at 6:15 after covering the Black/Red combo's 30 stupendous kilometres and Jason hauled us back along to the camp site with the sun still blazing down on us as we readied the evening meal. That consisted mainly of building Jay's new Wok-on-Sticks barby, which The Prof (Tim) managed to build more like the Leaning Tower of Pisa than the Beaning Power of Pasta. Once we realised where all the legs had to go it was easy, and Jason returned from his shower to assume his customary position as Chief Carbon Poker, pushing Tim aside after all his hard work!

The coals took light first time, miracle of miracles, with no help from Jay as he added not just the cardboard packing from the firelighters and the coal sack, but the thick plastic (incombustible) liner aswell which instantly produced a pungent black cloud over the site that had everyone diving for cover as if the End of the World was nigh. And it stank.

So we had to wait 'til close on midnight for the coals to clean themselves before risking meat on the griddle. That became a mixture of beef & tomato burgers, chili burgers, square sausage and the normal variety. The Gollum proceeded to display his culinary expertise by splitting the whole sausages and pivoting them on the griddle like tragically and painfully failed high wire performers, in order to rid them of that awful uncooked pinkness so many people think is their cooked state. Not taking any chances on Delhi Belly interfering with tomorrow's ride!

It had been cool up to about 9:00pm but as the sun settled in a clear sky, still pouring it's rays onto the ramparts of Chris K's Castle, the breeze disappeared and it was a beautifully still, mild evening. The Food Fest was to last until the Witching Hour when we were happy that the few poor burgers which fell to their deaths amongst the coals (Jay's fault, Poker-in-Chief) had flamed their last. Time for Chris D, Jason and Terry to get out their blow-up dolls, while Tim and Chris K retired together into the depths of their fortress. We settled down, listened to the last zip being drawn (Jasons) and two seconds later we heard him snoring.