WANTED - Deaf or Alight

Have you seen this man?

That's the question the Reivers may have been asking themselves today after one of their ranks (Derek the Deserter) had the audacity to avoid them for the day. He hid in the back of the Gollymobile and wasn't discovered until Jason and Terry arrived at Mabie Forest just south of Dumfries at 11.00am this overcast Sunday morning, 13th May 2007. We reckon he'd been tipped off that the MidAirMen had been smuggling Camelbaks over the border in exchange for Haggises and this was his chance to escape the the long reach of the Reivers in the same secret compartment. Here's the proof -

Oh God, I've just twigged - is that why the water in my backpack tastes crap?

Or was he just looking for a bit of Real Mountain Biking? Whatever the reason he decided to join us for this one, and may have just enjoyed the episode. It was, however, about ninety miles shorter than the Sunday rides he's so used to but that suited me just fine, and today I pretended to be Ride Leader, so my choice (we don't actually have these, we simply agree on everything, unlike some bike clubs I could mention, but that's a bit political so I won't say it - pretend you didn't read that bit).

No matter how short or how steep, I'm always knackered on the initial climb of any ride. This time I did a little better after using my new bike for work this week, but I still managed to uphold my proud tradition of pushing the bike at least a mile or so every time out. I was just getting ready to dismount again when we saw a group of riders ahead, so I couldn't embarrass myself in front of strangers. They were stuck, however, with a loose pair of handlebars one one of their little girls' bikes and asked if we had any tools. Luckily we did, so I had a great excuse to jump off for an early rest. See here for that bit.

It's been a while since we were here, and I always manage to turn right after the initial Butterhole Climb and completely miss out The Ridge which is normally shut off in the wet season. That cuts a kilometre or so off the full 17km distance of the Red Phoenix Trail, but  hey, the singletrack here compensated for that no problem. Have to say, however, that the signs are still crap after all these years, and the very first one you come across looks like a roundabout which you could spend all day looking for and never find, 'cause it's not there! It was just up the road from here where we got the tools out for the young lady's handlebars, then it was Fire One as we launched ourselves onto the Contour Climb and then the Descender Bender, which is very similar to the last section of the climb to the Helley Hansen V Trail Hut on the Black Route at Glentress. That means the Gollum gets to go for a short walk on that bit.

When you reach the high point with it's superb views to the Irish Sea in the far west it's fun time as you get to blast down a couple of long sections of superb singletrack. We all took a turn at leading at various times on this bit, and I count myself lucky to have been in the right place every time to see both Derek and Jason slip harmlessly off the side of the trail once or twice each. Brilliant. This brings you to The Scorpion, and my hero Jay managed to get the Whyte E5 all the way up this climb without dismounting. Derek was waiting for me at the half way point and I think he got up there aswell after his short stop. Sure he'll tell me later. I walked it, obviously. We thought about a lunch break just after this point but waited a while longer and the sun even came out for us. We were also passed by the Scot Family Outing again as we brunched on bananas.  There was only a short stretch left now and Golly led it down to the car, making sure he also cocked up by overshooting a couple of turns to keep the honours even.

Hey, let's just zoom in on that last piccie... and Golly doesn't escape

What about this for a matching jersey and van? and this for a matching Reiver and signpost?

It should have been around 17km but I think we came up short of that figure somehow, at least according to Jason's bike PC. That's a spooky little device - he can monitor the Gollum heart rate on it from five metres away, that must be worth something in entertainment value alone. Anyway, a short but fast, safe ride with no punctures and no bike problems after we'd tightened the swinging arm bearings on Jason's cheap Whyte before we set out.

Fancy a trip out with us? Seven Stanes about once a month and south of Tyneside now-and-again. Just let us know by e-mail (address below) or word of mouth.

Have you Killed A BIKE THIEF TODAY?