Gradually the others arrived - Terry H, Craig, Brian and Jason. After the usual extended load time for the trailer to make sure nothing was rubbing on the carbon bits we were able to move along the road to collect Keith and Paul C at Stephenson's Cottage. Another pause as we shoehorned the other two bikes onto the trailer then the four cars present were off up the road to Cramlington, to collect Derek and John.

We expected Jason G to be there aswell, but just as we hit Gosforth Racecourse Golly's phone tinkled, and it was Jason to say he was slightly under the weather and wouldn't be joining the party after all. He did, however, offer to carry any extra bodies up to Morpeth for us - way to go, Jason, ta much. There's a dirty great version of this picture behind if you click on it.

We collected Derek first after losing two cars off the back (sound familiar?) then he guided the Gollum towards John's place. Or at least, Gollum thought he was being guided to John's, but when the GollyMobile reached Bedlington, he just had to ask Derek why they were going the long way! Of course, Derek didn't even know John was doing this ride! So, another slight delay as we u-turned and went back for John at Crammy High School. He was on foot, as his bike was already loaded, having been at the Gollum Garage for a spot of maintenance, so that was just a splash-and-dash. However, the whole loading/collection deal cost us three quarters of an hour from our scheduled 9.00am start - we'll have to work harder on our pit stop routines.

Derek guided the two remaining cars through the back of Morpeth to avoid the busy centre, and it was time for Our Jason - remember him? - to ask for a shop stop, as he'd come away with no water or whatever. Steady as a rock. So yet another delay while he flicked through the Sunday Sport in the local paper shop, and it looked like the ride was doomed before it started. Ian A and Brian were waiting for us just east of Mitford village, and then followed us out the other side to the first lay-by on the left, where we parked up, at last getting the bikes off and ready to go.

With Derek pointing the way, we headed off west on the road for a couple of clicks until we reached the head of our first off-road bit - a bridleway leading to some well-overgrown singletrack. However, the fun was just starting, because John could only just reach the top of the lane, as his back wheel was falling off. As I said, it had been into Golly's for a tune-up. Say no more then. This little interlude cost about 20 minutes as Gollum first of all adjusted the cones. On putting the wheel back again, the disc was clouting the brake calliper. So he tried to fit a couple of spacer washers, donated by Speedian's bottle cage fixings, but that didn't work either. Only one course of action left - rip the back disc off! So that left John, somehow grinning from ear to ear, without a rear brake for the day. No prob. Well, he should have paid Evans to do a proper job, eh? (er, no - that's a joke).

Once that was done it was time to rip a few bare legs apart, as Dangerous Derek sped into the undergrowth, which as I said up above was also overgrowth. That meant nowhere to go except in the wheel tracks of the bod in front, to try and cut down on the number of prickly things attacking your flesh. Great fun, with plenty of screaming and wailing going on. Paul C, Terry H, Derek and Gollum were wearing longuns - tee hee!

Time to lop over a fence now, nice farmer man having padlocked the bridleway gate. Lovely chaps, wouldn't wish Blue Tongue Disease on them, much. A wee bit of climbing to do now, over a couple of lumpy fields. This was a pretty good early test of the weird rear suspension setup on the Gollum's new French Collection, the bike Derek kindly drove him to Sheffield at 7.00 am the morning before to buy from the Decathlon store, who don't do mail order! (as Golly couldn't yet drive due to Thursday night's bridge bashing episode). It's actually a Rockrider 9.1, or "Neuf" by name, with four inches either end by X-Fusion O2 rear shock and RockShox Tora 318 front forks. Anyway, the suspension was as lush as the grass, confirmed by Keith who tried it later on.

Keith holds the bridge apart for the lads Derek smells his finger - why???

We took another very short road stretch at West Edington before hitting the fields again, and it was time for Jason K to teach us all once more the difference between a "bonny" sheep and an ugly bastard. Don't ask. Ewe wouldn't appreciate the answer. We hadn't gone very far when the first puncture struck. This ride was definitely fated, but you just gotta get on with it - so Keith's bike was upended and the first flatty fixed. Seconds after refitting the wheel to Keith's bike, it was the old sheep fancier himself, wor Jay, who suffered the second, at the same spot!. Loads of thorns down here, so not all that surprising really. Gollum began to preach again - spouting the virtues of Tubeless Tyres, of which he has six - clever sh@t.

After moving the bits of bike out of the way of Mr Landowner and his daughters' horses, we were on our way again, through thick brush and nettles on the old railway track to Angerton. Pulling off that just south of Cottage Farm, Molesden, Derek halted the group to point the way forward and take a breather after the non-stop thistle run. We were just about to take off again in the direction he'd pointed out, when puncture number three struck! It was Craig this time, who noticed a flat rear. Can't get much worse, this ride. Good job the weather is fantastic. The Gollum was just about to launch into his tubeless lesson again when he felt the back of the Neuf lurch sideways. What on earth was that? Another flatty! Should have kept his stupid trap shut! It's almost a religion for a new bike to suffer first time out. His pathetic attempts to try and tubeless-ify the Hutchinson Bulldog tyres on the Decathlon the night before had failed after an hour's efforts, so he'd given up and left the tubes in - now it was payback time for big mouthed Gollums.

After four punctures to four bikes in two miles, it just had to get better, so we moved on to test that theory. A couple more fields to cross, then we were in a small wood above Molesden Burn which was the nearest thing to a bog up to now. It was quite tricky getting through, but everyone did without drama, maybe a wet toe or two. On to Penny Hill, then another short hop on the Whalton road before rejoining the railway track with its evil rabbit holes to Mill Greens. No , the rabbits aren't evil. Gollum stuck in Jason's wheel tracks as he led along here, so he would be first to bite the dust and give a warning!

From the end of this bridleway we were on road again. Craig was forced to stop again, but only to inject a few puffs (of air) into his back tyre. A short meeting was chaired by derek as we discussed which tea shop to head for, and Bolam Lake won, so that's where we went. It was a super afternoon, as we sat outside the cafe sipping tea, coffee or water for 15 or 20 minutes, and the belly laughs could be heard all over the woods as the odd lewd joke was spouted from both picnic tables. Time for Golly to move the cleat on his left shoe, as it had been rubbing on his crank all this way and sounded like a duck being choked, disturbing the luxurious tranquillity of our silent trek through the greenery. Okay, the raucous, hysterical, screaming nightmare of Derek's' Brambles.

Retracing our steps back up the road to Green Mills again, we got off road across the River Wansbeck and up to High Angerton, then east for another few hundred metres on tarmac again before following the river once more and crossing north at Meldon Park. More parkland to cross over Needless Moor before a short section of Devil's Causeway into Oldpark Wood before hopping over the River Pont. From there it was road again to Pigdon. Some tired legs here, particularly Brian's, who hadn't done this for a year or more. derek reassured him there were only "three fields and a bit of road to cross" and that chirped him up for the drop back south re-crossing the river at Newton Mill and the short hop to the cars.

Here's a mixture of Paul and Golly's pictures

And here's Paul C's GPS data for the ride - Thanks again for this and the photos, Paul.

And thanks to Derek who didn't let us down, again producing a great ride with much more off-road stuff than most of us anticipated. AND!!! The Gollum did NOT fall off today.