Sunday 22nd July 2007.  Depleted squad today due to holidays and work commitments, so Derek and Andy made their way to Terry's with Andy taking the reins and doing the map reading as we made our way calmly to Kielder.

Up to the village, we parked and the first job was to smother our exposed areas with Andy's Mozy neutralizer. And you know what? It worked!!! We began the ride at Andy's direction just after 11.00am heading out of the Castle car park and onto the start of the new Red Route, with Andy's Scott hardtail moving swiftly, the front wheel hovering just above ground level due to the addition of an incredible Ferrari-style front wing which was giving him unexpected upforce (new word from the Gollum).

Well, it wasn't really an aerofoil, just Andy's new handlebar-mounted waterproof map reading easel. You'll have seen pictures of the American spy plane, the big one with a flying saucer radar dome mounted on top - well, this was a smaller, squarer version!

You'll no doubt be thrilled to learn that you won't have to suffer my strange photo displays during this riveting read - I forgot to take the camera! So I'll describe the scenery for you as accurately as I can - there were trees, lots of trees. Our route starts at point 41 on map then 31 to 41 again passing through 412, 490 and 492 on the way, don't ask why.

It wasn't very far into the ride, 3.6 miles to be precise, when Terry started complaining about the cold. It was 15 degrees C and he had an extra layer of clothing over Andy and Derek. Strange. At 6 miles he was shivering with a headache. And walking with the DDG, which is even stranger given recent performances on the superlight five incher. Then he remembered he hadn't eaten a proper meal since teatime Friday, due to a poison batch of fish left by a flyaway wife (on holiday in Spain) on Saturday evening. He quickly shoved in a quick snack bar and that put things right.

We'd got to the top of the Kielder bit after some sightseeing on new fireroads with very scenic waterfalls and reed pools on display and were now dropping into the edge of Newcastleton Forest over muddy singletrack across Caplestone Fell.  Once the shot of nourishment kicked in he was able to get back to the pace of the other two. Andy led around the two end sections of Newcastleton Red Route and then the trio immediately hit the road down into Newcastleton town to find a hot tea house. The first one we came to was not only open, with space to sit, but also provided some cracking nosh, the Gollum soon feeling normal again and ready to slog it back to Kielder.

Because of time constraints on Andy, he decided we should return to Kielder by road, rather than face the uphill slog back through the Forest, so that's what we did. It turned out to be a very pleasant afternoon, but with the threat of big black rain clouds hovering menacingly to the west. Luckily they stayed there. A few miles out of Newcastleton, with Derek up front on the Gearless, Forkless thing and Terry at the rear, Andy was unceremoniously dumped off the Scott as his chain once more slipped a few teeth. He'd been having trouble on every hard climb because of this, and the Gollum had said he'd sort it at the lunch stop, but we'd forgotten about that while discussing the scenery in the town centre. Now, however, seemed a good time so we lopped off a full two links (four pieces!) and Hey, Presto! The strangest item to report was the lack of the dreaded Midge Menace unless Andy's gunge got them running scared.

We got back to the car at about 4.40, leaving 20 minutes to get Andy to work in Wallsend. Just as well Jason wasn't in the car today - he's OK jumping his Whyte E5 but a bit sheepish when all four wheels of the GollyMobile  leave the ground. And in case you're wondering, Andy was a few minutes late for work!

Golly's GPS said 33.1 ml, total time 4 hrs 51 mins, max 32.7 mph (off-road), ave 6.82 mph. Another superb ride, shame you weren't there with us. We will NEVER have a bad ride, or at least you'll never read about one here!!!

Keep watching and if you fancy a ride out with us, drop us a line here: bailout@midaircrisis.org.uk