Sunday 23rd December 2007 saw a gathering of the clans outside Gollum's hovel in Holystone. New member Steve B had left his car in Asda's car park, but we had Terry in his motor, Dave in his truck, Keith in his racer and finally, at 8.25, Ian F in his dad's limo. The aforementioned Steve had trekked up here from Spennymoor for his first outing with the Loony Tunes of NMBC aka MidAirCrisis, while once again young Ian had dragged himself from York, for goodness' sake! We re-mapped the seating arrangements with terry and Dave leaving first followed by Ian, Steve and Golly in the GollyMobile^® with Keith tagging the RX8 along behind as he needed to make a quick exit part way through the ride.

We got to the Hub car park at Glorious Glentress around 10.20 as far as I recall with the truck, sorry, Discovery arriving a few minutes earlier, and began the ride in cool conditions, about 3 degrees, at 10:40am. That's the earliest I've started this ride apart from when lodging in Peebles for my first visit way back when. Dave and Terry had been here around that time and were to find a few changes had been made to the trails since. These two are amongst the real pioneers of Mountain Biking and have been just about everywhere around the top end of our homeland. Together with Ian (Speedy) and Derek (missing for a while with health issues) we must have as much knowledge of Northumberland within our ranks as any group of riders anywhere.

But today was easy - no route knowledge needed - just a nice, big, Black waymarked trail that has become the envy of the MTB World. This place has everything, and today we intended to grab a greedy handful as our Xmas box to ourselves. Selfish bastards. We weren't the only ones, as the place was pretty busy as usual. The initial climbs, singletrack followed by tarmac up to the Buzzard's Nest car park got the blood flowing nicely, and stopping only to allow Ian to shed his outer layer of clothing we got straight on with the job of gaining some height as the Black took over from Red, green and Blue at the top of the hill.

In the trees at the start there were few clues as to what lay ahead. The Gollum had ridden here in the snow and with Jason and Andy had just attacked the place as normal, no problem. However, today we were to discover that in many places the trail was covered in sheet ice - sometimes avoidable, other times extremely dangerous, even at slow speed. But today we weren't doing slow. We were on a mission. Part of it was to get Keith as far round as we could before he had to leave us. The other part was to fulfil Golly's plane to take in a lap of Spooky Wood, drool, drool, and rejoin the Black to complete a ride to remember.

New man, but experienced MTB competitor Steve B was first to find out how hard the ground was as the slinky 2008 Specialized FSR Expert (crikey, yet another Spesh, is this a conspiracy?) spat him off on the first descent. Told you they were sh@t (just kidding). As is normal for our breed, he shrugged it off and didn't complain at all. We all had a few close shaves with the slippery turns as the ride progressed. Up, up, up we went, threading ourselves around the climbs until we hit the Helly Hansen Hut where we waited in the queue for seats out of the icy blast for a short lunch break. What a view. I dream about this when I'm not here. Well, actually that's crap, coz I really dream about this: in case you're wondering, it's Jessica-Jane Clement form TV's "The Real Hustle" series.

 Dave scuttles himself, gently

The View - worth the struggle up to the Helly Hansen Hut

After nattering to a Scottie and an Irishman for a few minutes it was time to sample the delights of Britney Spears. No, I'm not showing you a picture of the infamous pop idol, partly because I can't stand her but mainly, for those who don't know, it's the name they gave to the first decent descent on the Black. This is a mad scree down a series of hairpin berms and chutes that just gets faster and faster until it finally presents you with a pig of a climb up to the Radio Mast atop Dunslair heights. Gollum was unlucky enough to lose a chain half way down, but staying off the brakes allowed him to remain on Ian's tail and sample the delights of our youngest member launching himself at the scenery at warp speed and somehow getting it all back under control to get down safely. I couldn't stop laughing for the remaining minute or so of the run. Hilarious, but well held sir!

The climb to the mast meant a walk for Gollum, his first after managing to stay on the Decathlon all the way up so far. The others, led by Terry stayed mounted to the top. I can't remember what time it was here, I think around 1:30 pm, and that was the limit Keith had set himself to get back home in time for his prior engagement. Such a shame as he'd done almost all the hard work and wasn't going to reap the rewards, but off he shot on a fireroad joyride back down to the Hub. His tyres were probably smoking by the time he got down there. Amazing willpower to miss the descents, or a savage threat to his manhood if he didn't get back, perhaps.

Steve, Dave, Ian and Terry left of the post, Keith asks Paddy the way down

For the remaining five it was time to take Gollum's deviation (that doesn't sound right, looking at it now) down the short fireroad drop to the top of Spooky Wood. There's magic in those two words, so here they are again - Spooky Wood. Aahh! We paused at the top so those who hadn't seen it before could gat a handle on the initial three rock drop-offs, or take-off ramps which is the best way to consider them. Gollum led off and was followed in rapid succession by Ian, Terry, Dave and Steve. Endless berm-riding, hump jumping, body swerving bliss for the thick end of 4 minutes if you're not racing. Golly tired midway, as he usually does, and Ian swooped past to speed things up again. He was very fast down the bottom half of this and seemed to be gaining speed as the ride wore on. As usual when we all collected at the foot of the run the smiles were as big as whalebones, and there was even talk of a second run. However, because we were only half way around the Black and Golly was well aware of the delights awaiting on the Redemption climb, we decided to get straight back to the Black the way we'd come. terry and Dave were very impressive climbing back up the side of Spooky while the other three took a short walk. Back on the singletrack below Dunslair, terry invited Ian to take the front as he'd see how rapidly he'd been travelling. The swoops into and out of the trees skirting the edge of the Forest were fantastic as always, but care was needed as Steve demonstrated again just in front of Golly. Cheers for the warning, Steve! Once again he was straight back on the bike and blasting off on the tail of the others. Right at the end of this section Steve also became the only full puncture victim of the day, although Ian had slow leaks on his tubeless tyres which needed a couple of boosts as the ride continued.

Next to bite the dust was Dave, who took the lead at the start of Deliverance's fantastic, never-ending singletrack descent. He'd gone about 200 metres when once again ice was the cause of the carnage, spitting him off into a ditch, but luckily not all the way over the trailside lip to oblivion below. He jumped back on behind the Gollum as we began the screaming scorch to the valley floor and the Hope Burn crossings. This is extremely rocky and some care is needed on line choice to prevent square wheels and equally square heads. By the time Golly managed to hook onto the tail of Terry's flying Fusion, the pair had lost contact with Ian. But only until the lower bridge, when we found him dragging himself up from the undergrowth after a mammoth "off" on a narrow ice lake which filled the width of the trail and was just waiting for MTB tyres to assert it's authority over them. Luckily for the following riders Ian gave us ample warning and we shuffled past the glass pool safely. Only half a mile or so left and there we were at the base of the climb. What a swine this is, especially on a hot summer day. And even at today's temperatures, walking up here keeps you plenty cosy. But once again, the work-hardened leg muscles of Terry and Dave saw them attack the thing pedalling - extremely impressive. I look forward to being as old as these two one day! That dreaded climb Ian in action: 2MB vid

Just before we entered Ewok Village we stopped for a breather at the last hut, a chance to top up some displaced energy and gather ourselves for the final onslaught. We actually got lost in the trees her following Ian, but corrected it on the fireroad when Gollum realised his mistake. More fantastic, technical singletrack descents followed and the grins were still growing with each new section covered.

Terry and Dave kept this couple talking just before the final section while Ian and Golly sneaked round the back for a gander.

I'm sorry about the quality of these two shots but my eyes were watering - and so was my mouth. Who says we're too old for Christmas presents?

Before we knew it we were rejoining the Red Route again just below the Buzzard's Nest and the final magnificent blast down to the Hub. Like last time, Ian and Gollum decided to use this last bit as a competitive showdown and they followed about a minute behind Dave and Terry, with Steve preferring to watch the action from behind. The run was maybe a wee bit slower than normal with the ever-present threat of ice to catch any misplaced wheels. There'd been a stark warning posted at the start about slippery log piles, which Gollum was only too glad to obey, while Ian chose to ignore it and chopped over to get in front. The usual manic last half kilometre followed to put a cap on a fantastic day's riding over approximately 33 ks. After a cuppa and cake at the Hub cafe we got home just after 6.15 to disperse to all four corners of the Kingdom.

Keep watching and if you fancy a ride out with us, drop us a line here: bailout@midaircrisis.org.uk