Four looks like our favourite number just now - another quartet turning out for this treat in the woolly outback of Kielder Forest. We'd switched this ride, bringing it forward a week so that Craig could put his new Specialized Stumpjumper through it's paces on something rougher than the Great Lime Road. As it turned out, it also suited Terry H aswell, as he was again "borrowing" the lovely Fusion Floyd on it's second trial run, also looking to test it on rough ground before parting with his readies. Keith and Gollum made up the four and we left town around 9.25 on a cool but not bad looking morning.

It was 5 degrees when we arrived at Kielder Castle car park to prepare for the ride and didn't get any warmer. But while we were moving it was just right on the bikes all day, maybe even hot if you exerted yourself, which did force Golly to dump his fleece at the top of the first climb. We quickly settled into two groups of two on the climbs, getting back together for the juicy descents. Gollum chose today to experiment with his chest cam, but the results weren't quite what he expected, so no show of the descent of Red Route One here.

We hauled our way up 3 Dog Climb arriving at the top not too strung out, and amazingly the illness-stricken Gollum (stabbing gut pains and a pocket full of toilet roll) even managed to get up most of it on the CoilAir, a fair bit heavier than the other two bikes he'd pushed up here recently. A bit more fireroad climbing later we were at the junction of the Deadwater Fell loop which has now become our customary lunch stop. And the place where we put all the ills of the world to rights. Just enough time to digest a bit of food and we were getting set for the real fun.

Red Descent Two is where he could have done with the old helmet cam. Keith had attacked it first followed by Craig then Terry H. When Gollum arrived at the first tricky triple jump very close to the top he found Terry hauling Craig's bike out of the dyke and Craig sprawled on his back a few feet away. This was a fast one and looked like it hurt a good bit. A few minutes and a bit of arm twirling later saw us underway again and we reached the bottom  without further incident, with the waiting Keith wondering where we'd got to. The trail debris all over Craig's arms and legs gave the game away.

After a short discussion on the right and wrong ways to take off and land, and "should have stuck to my hardtail" rants from Craig it was time to tackle the Black climb. Apart from the obvious vertical lumps sticking out at the start of this monster (Devil's Elbow) both Terry and Craig had a real good go at this, cleaning the top section. Keith and Gollum were a little more selective in the bits they chose to ride. All but Craig decided the timber North Shore stuff was OK, so he carried his bike across that part. Just after he had mounted at the far end he managed to skittle himself again, lifting over a rock upstand but keeling over to the right where the trail dropped away. Unfortunately his right hip bone clattered a rock and the yell as he touched down filled the valley. We all dismounted and ran back to find him in agony, unable to move. We suspected something nasty but he's just a girl, it was nowt. Actually, and seriously, Keith found the offending piece of rock and punished it. Someone should have a nicely rainbow-coloured swathe of bulging flesh in the morning.

After another short breather to get Craig's ailing body moving again Golly took over at the front with more well-intentioned advice on what lay ahead, mainly for Terry H's benefit on his first visit, but also to remind Craig there was more rough stuff ahead. Memories of the last trip came flooding back - even in the current damp (but not soaked) conditions, these downhill singletracks are fantastic. They have everything - loads of drops from "felt nowt"  to "Bloody Hell!", plenty of berms from "wheee" to "Woweee!", oodles of rock gardens from "pitter-patter" to "aaah, me teeth!" and an abundance of jumps from "easy" to "Craig's off again!".

As soon as we'd regrouped at the bottom of this stage, the Gollum was bolting off down Black Two with the rest on his tail. Ah, why can't this last forever? Sheer bliss, with the Coiler making Golly's ride perhaps a bit more comfortable than the others with it's buttery six inches of travel at both ends. You may pay the price in extra weight on the climbs, but you really appreciate the performance when you start to head down. Unless you spend over  four grand on a carbon Scot Ransom, with it's associated very expensive maintenance costs.

Almost at the end of the Black Route now, but the final descent loomed, and again it was Gollum who attacked it first. More of the same, just a shame it's a bit short. He stopped just after the gully jump near the finish to make sure the others knew it was there. Keith remembered it from last time and had no problems, flying across the gap. Terry H was next, and took Golly's shouted advice to speed up, clearing the hole no trouble on the Fusion. When the still shaking Craig arrived he preferred to ignore any advice at all, and carried the Stumpy over the obstacle.

That plopped us onto the Forest Drive, and from there we turned back towards the Castle. Half a mile ahead you have the opportunity to climb back up Ravenshill Moor to the top of the final Red Route singletrack back to the Castle. Obviously we did this to put the cap on another short but great ride, with plenty of action and incident. Speaking of which... did I mention Craig was with us today? Oh, yeh - and he wasn't done yet! Gollum started last this time, and amazingly, when the he arrived at the Giant Berm, a good 10 metre radiused, 45 degree banked, 3 metre high rock-strewn, balls-out Wall of Death, who should be hauling himself off the deck yet again? Guesses on a postcard, no prize for the winner. This is the Man of Steel, as once again he got back onto the Spesh, even more battered and bruised, to join us in the car park a few minutes later. Just a shame the last bit is broken by a fireroad crossing, but maybe that's good as it slowed Craig down again.

Golly's bike PC said 8.49 miles, 1 hr 29 mins rolling time, 26mph max (singletrack).

When Craig finished checking for more holes in his bodywork we loaded up the bikes and retreated to the Old School House in Falstone for a lovely cuppa and slice of cake courtesy of Terry H. Cheers, Terry, definitely my turn next.

Conclusion on Terry's Fusion Floyd: great bike, bottomed it out once or twice but he suspects a technique change could fettle that, not the bike's fault.

Conclusion on Craig's Specialized Stumpjumper: great bike, sh1te rider.

Conclusion on Keith's Specialized Stumpjumper: great bike, loves it like a sister (OK, brother) (wife then?)

Conclusion on Gollum's Kona CoilAir: great bike - the only sex he gets.

here's the vids:        vid 1 5MB            vid 2 6MB

Photo Album take a good look at pic 1 - is Terry really laughing at Craig's pain?

Keep watching and if you fancy a ride out with us, drop us a line here: bailout@midaircrisis.org.uk