Sunday 26th August 2007. First "away" ride for a couple of new Newcastle Mountain Bike Club members at Hamsterley Forest, departing from our now regular meeting point, George Stephenson's Cottage on the Great Lime Road in Forest Hall. Regulars Derek, Jason, Keith and Terry were joined by Jason and Paul, and met down at Hamsterley by Young Ian from York/Durham.

We started the ride at 11.50 am after we'd managed to get Jason comfortable on the Coiler Soopah borrowed from the Gollum. He just wouldn't stop whinging about the Crud Catchers being for sissies. Luckily he was able to buy a pair of cleats at the bike hire place to suit the Kona's Shimano SPD pedals, otherwise he'd have been having a kip in the car while the rest of us rode.

Golly led the troupe onto the start of the Red Trail straight out from the Visitor Centre. Derek took the reins immediately and began to stretch his legs along the flowing, winding trail through the trees, where as usual we had to push several sets of ignorant pedestrians out of the way as they strolled nonchalantly up the bike path. Goodness Gracious. Heaven's Above. We said.

Soon the pleasantries of the undertree bit gave way to relentless fireroad. And relentless uphill crawls. Much to the dismay of our other Jason from Hazlerigg. He spends most of his bike time ripping after his dog through the woods at Brunton. They're as flat as our John's tyres. Hamsterley is just the opposite of John's tyres. So for once the Gollum had someone to keep him company on his usually solitary trolls up the inclines, of which Hamsterley has many.

This ride was supposed to be a gentle intro to Forest riding for four of our new people, so we deliberately avoided the Black Route. Unfortunately, the Curse of Hamsterley struck us yet again as we completely failed to find any singletrack. The atrocious signage didn't help our cause, and we ran into a few other parties who were also lost looking for the Red Trail, but right from the start Gollum had warned the others of bad direction signs down here. Someday they'll put it right, I hope, but I've been saying that for four years now.

This young man was lost, and VERY confused!

What quickly became apparent was that we seemed to be tackling the Red in the wrong direction, going up most of the usual downs. We ended up retracing our steps from west to east to get back to the Visitor Centre end again. In doing so we had to get down the steepest fireroad section that we'd just climbed, and it was here that Paul became the first victim of the day. Five of us had reached the bottom, Jason's and Terry's bike computers both clocking 36.8 mph on the stony, tricky but flat out drop. And Jason only had granny and middle rings on the Coiler after Golly removed the outer because he didn't need it any more!

We waited with baited breath (that's like bad) at the bottom for New Jason and Paul to appear. Nothing. We waited a bit longer. Still nothing. When Golly had passed Paul he was nearing the outer edge of the trail at about 25 mph. So Gollum started to think the worst, and after what seemed an age, got back on the Mutha and started back up that horrible climb. He got as far up on the bike as he could, but still no sign of the missing two bodies. Dropping the bike in the ditch he continued on foot. Rounding the blind left hander where he last saw Paul, he spied our Taiwanese visitor standing over his upturned bike. And Jason was sitting next to it, working away feverishly. PUNCTURE! Thank God for that! No broken bones, just a flatty.

We all chipped in (apart from Old Jason and Ian, who remained at the bottom of the hill most of the time) and got the thing back on it's wheels again. Paul's newly-purchased Slime Tube just wasn't having it, so Gollum to the rescue with his spare. It's been a bad couple of weeks for Slime users! After watching Paul trying to get the floppy Panaracer Trailraker tyre over the tube both edges together, Derek snatched it off him and proceeded to complete the job the right way. Here's Paul's attempt 2.5MB mpeg video. Off we went again. This was downhill for a very enjoyable mile or two (Ok, 4 or 5 Km, Paul!) and then we were diverted by a Red Route sign uphill again. Now the terrain got more familiar, and as it was about 1.15 pm (13:15 for Paul) Gollum called the group to a lunch stop at a very tranquil spot on the edge of the Forest.

After a very pleasant 15 minutes in the sunshine we hauled ourselves back to the trail and continued on our quest for red routes. Nothing but fireroad was forthcoming, and a bit more walking for Jason and Terry. We eventually hit The Grove car park and then climbed the steep hill at the start of the Black Route to the Downhill and Four Cross tracks. Big Mistake, looking back. Terry had indicated that he would show the new lads both of these nutty racetracks as we passed them. So that's what he did. However, the temptation proved too great to resist and Old Jason led the pack to the top of the Four Cross. "If you want to have a go, be careful, go as slow as you like and keep off the front brake" was the last thing Gollum said before diving off the launch ramp with MidAir Jason  and Ian just ahead. Keith and Derek were already specs  in the distance. These three had a good thrash down and then waited again at the bottom for New Jason and Paul to arrive.

And waited. And waited. Oh, no, not again! However, Jason then came into view so there was only Paul to come. He was last seen taking pictures from the launch pad. We waited some more. Two local youngsters arrived at the bottom. The last one brought bad news - Paul had come off his bike, Big Time. Crikey, the last time we brought a new rider here he was off work for 9 months! Not again! Anyway, poor Paul appeared behind us a few minutes later after he'd rolled back down the fireroad. His right knew was hanging off and his back was covered in Mother Earth. Oh, oh! New Jason was quickly on hand to demonstrate his medical skills, and even borrowed the First Aid Box from descend Hamsterley's hut.

Look at this - what kind of doctor laughs in his poor, weeping patient's face? Nice one, Jason!

And what kind of mates are Ian and Keith, caught doing the same?

We gave Paul a short time to collect himself. His shoulder was giving him more trouble than his knee at this time, but we still got a grin or two out of him. Anyway he just had to get on with it as we sauntered along to the Skills Loop to complete the sightseeing trip. Doctor Jason and Pummelled Paul sat this one out as the other five did a single loop, then there was only the short drop back to the Visitor Centre to get us back after 18  miles of slog.

Luckily the weather was spot on, otherwise this would have been a very ordinary and probably boring ride. It wasn't an ordinary day out, however, thanks to Paul's adventure. We set about loading the bikes onto Jason's and Terry's cars as young Ian said his goodbyes and returned to his parent's place at York. The rest of us got tidied up and carried Paul over to the Visitor Centre Teashop. We sat outside and had a cuppa and a cake in the sun. A very pleasant way to end the ride. Shame about the blood running down Paul's leg.

Here's the Pix:         Golly's Pix        Jason's Pix        Paul's Pix

18 miles/ 26 Km, 2 hrs 20 mins rolling time, Max 36.8 mph, average 7.8 mph.

Keep watching and if you fancy a ride out with us, drop us a line here: bailout@midaircrisis.org.uk