Hope we didn't miss anyone this cold, dull, damp morning of Sunday 30th March 2008. Reason? The clocks went forward an hour this morning for BST, didn't they? Anyway, we got no calls through on the Batphone asking us to return to the start. So it was that only the Hard Lads were up for this one with Mick H arriving a few minutes before Steve B to join Gollum as a threesome.

There was quite a strong wind howling in from the south west, maybe another reason for some to stay in bed, so the plan as always was to never ride into it. Now that ain't easy, but we're past masters at it and off we set to stay under cover, first doing the bridleway out back of Holystone Farm, up to Hillheads Farm at Killingworth then down to the bridle crossroads before cutting over to Backworth. Just half a mile into the bridleways shooting up to the north we had a small false start as Golly led the other two into a fenced-off dead end in the trees. Oops. Backtracking, we followed the red shale track up the edge of the tree line to Seghill. Being good lads, we avoided a certain interesting and challenging (so I'm told) footpath and stayed on road to get out behind the village. That's when Mick had his first glimpse of the Spoon and insisted on giving it a lick.

We trekked on over the road at the bay Horse and up through the Cramlington cycle paths past John's place (where is he?) before emerging at the Garden Centre at Beacon Lane. We rode down the side of the main road before crossing and plunging down to the dip at Hartford Bridge where we took to the trees in Plessey Woods. It's always good to get through a ford successfully when Joe Public is watching, they usually can't believe you're going to make it. Today we entertained a couple of doggie walkers as we splashed straight through and up the other side no problem.

We did as much slithering off-the-beaten-track stuff as we could before ascending the horribly steep staircase up to the top meadow then finished with a loop around the bridleways to the visitor centre before popping out onto the road to Hepscott. Half a mile further and we were back in the fields again behind Nedderton, grinding northwards to the Bedlington road and crossing it to hit the start of our target area - the bridleways to and beyond Choppington.

The first part was wet but firm. However, as we got down to the low-lying field edges, the trail became a nightmare with the mud making the bikes travel sideways all the way along here to the edge of the trees. Turning into them it got even worse, becoming an almost impassable quagmire. This was worsened by the number of horses that had used the route before we got there, and it forced us to a halt at a stream for a de-gunging session as the rear wheels on all three bikes were locking up with accumulated crud. Mick suffered worst with his GT and those perilously exposed Vee brakes. We broke clear of that section and the next wasn't bad at all. This is a fantastically enjoyable stretch in good weather with dry ground, but today the edge was well and truly taken off it.

Golly directed from the back as we approached the little pond adjacent to the railway just short of Guide Post, and as the sun had popped out nicely we stopped on the banks for an early but longed for lunch stop. This was very pleasant in the peaceful leafy clearing, but after about 10 or 15 minutes the clouds came back over and it turned distinctly cool. Time to move on. We crossed the railway track in search of a singletrack the Gollum vaguely remembered on the other side. Wrong! A bit too vague, his memory is. So we came back across to the bikes and off went the dizzy old fool onto a skinny trail through the grasses that he'd never ridden before. After what seemed an eternity of ducking and diving between young trees and through ditches, we came to a dead stop - nothing ahead but an impassable stretch of river. That only left a very steep, but thankfully short ash bank to climb back up to the railway tracks.

 We'd come about half a mile from our starting point as the old crow flies, with only one way back, here it is 2MB .wmv video.

We retraced our steps and went the right way this time, into the forest paths. Once again Golly led the trio into a dead end, but a very minor detour was needed to get us out onto the road, where unbelievably he led away in the wrong direction once more! How many times is that? At least we'd only pedalled another half a mile before the mistake was realised. Time for more very greasy trails through Choppington's woods, and another stretch of very claggy riverside mudplugging followed taking us into the east side of Ashington and out onto tarmac for a much needed breather away from the sticky stuff.

Approaching the roundabout in Guide Post, Gollum was taken by surprise by a speeding car and yes, you guessed it, he went the wrong way yet again. Good job we weren't tired at all, as all these little extras were beginning to mount up. We enjoyed a pleasant almost-freewheel down towards Bedlington, turning onto Barrington Road and zooming along to the Industrial Estate, and finally out to the town centre where twice the Gollum, leading again, almost became victim to maniac car drivers. Now even covered in mud, the CoilAir with it's bright blue frame and canary yellow wheels is pretty hard to miss, but these careless morons continue to ignore it's presence on "their" roads.

We got back off-road and dropped down onto the north bank of the River Blythe, for a change from the normal routes, and continued along the riverside at a pretty nifty rate until we hit Humford Mill. Last time out here, Derek took us up tin tarmac to avoid the tangled undergrowth of the woods, so we went the same way this time. However, half way up the bank we decided to try the tempting bridleway gate on the left, just to see where it went. It went straight back down to the river on a path I hadn't ridden before, and all was well for the first few k's when it took a turn for the worse by becoming 4 inches of gloop. This section became very hard work indeed and it was along here that the Gollum made a cretin of himself by sliding off the Coiler. Time for Steve to wreak revenge for this, as he raced back to the sprawling fool, grabbed the camera from around his neck and proceeded to humiliate Golly who could do little to prevent it. No more comment needed.

We were eventually dumped out at Hartford Hall, glad to see even this dangerous ribbon of tarmac to give us time to regenerate tired muscles. The rest was straight forward back down past Plessey Woods, through the Cramlington bike paths again, under the A19 to Dudley and south via the same Waggonway we'd started on to Holystone and a much needed hose-down for the bikes and cuppa in the sunshine for the two mortals and one Gollum. The ride wouldn't be complete, of course, without the inevitable puncture, and the honour fell to Mick today. It would normally have gone to Steve, but he's now taken the wise step of armouring his tyres.

Mick's bike PC claimed 41 miles but he reckoned on it being a few miles fast. It felt more like a few miles short of the truth to Golly's aching old sinews, but at least we hadn't got a soaking from above and we still packed in a few laughs along the way. Two days before, Tim had e-mailed Golly to ask about organising some trial sessions for the upcoming Wild Boar 24 Hour Race in Grizedale Forest, Cumbria. I am proud to announce that the three of us have already started after today's marathon, although the unlucky Mick has a prior engagement at the time of the event. The rest of you may need a bit more practice, however!

Keep watching and if you fancy a ride out with us, drop us a line here: bailout@midaircrisis.org.uk