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Well now - Mutiny!
'Twas Sunday 7th September 2008. The Gollum awoke from his slumbers another year
older and looked out of the crack in the rear wall of the Cave. He wasn't
thrilled with what he saw, but it could have been worse as it wasn't raining for
the first time in ages. Yesterday had seen a deluge with Morpeth under four feet
of water and Ponteland about to suffer the same, after the southern end of
England, Ireland and Wales had been clobbered for the last fortnight. Dire
warnings about trying to get to Glentress today for our scheduled adventure
could either be heeded or ignored. As they'd come from two relatively opposite
sources, in the Northumbria Constabulary and our very own Ian B, Golly decided
to err on the side of safety and common sense, and cancel Glentress. Say
"aaahhh!".
The NMBC Clan began to arrive roughly around the right time, 8:30am as
timetabled, and as luck would have it almost every damn regular flat-out rider
barring Terry H (on holiday) was there to share in the air of expectancy.
Unbelievably, assembled outside the Cave was the FULL NMBC "YOUTH" SQUAD! Yep,
for maybe the first time in months or even forever, the young crashers 'n
dashers were all present and correct. In case you didn't know, this element of
heathenry consists of our rapid Competition Skipper Stevie "No-Brakes" B, Docile
but Deadly Tim B, Crazy but Confident Ian F and Diminutive but Dynamic Chris D.
Add to that lot Manic Mick H, Crusher Keith G, Cruiser Chris K, Artful Arthur S,
Insane Ian A (The Speedian), Jabber Jason K, newbie Eager Evan X and the aged
Gormless Gollum and that meant TWELVE bodies all raring to go!.
It took a few minutes for the bad news to get around the group, but when it did
there was a somewhat unexpected outcome. Ten stayed for the revised fixture - a
"local" local ride, and two decided their fate lay elsewhere and departed. The
remainder all prayed for rain. They sure got it, but unfortunately on their own
heads and not those of the deserters who, as it transpired, had a good day!
Well, there's two kinds of "good", ain't there!
So off we trolled around 9:15 heading north up to Hillheads and the first bit of
fun when Chris D almost flung himself off the Mongoose right at the entry to
Singletrack One which includes a timber board to negotiate just ahead of a sharp
right. Somehow he managed to cling onto the thing but it slowed up those behind
as the Speedian shot off into the distance. Wasn't long before we all caught up
and headed down to the Backworth Route under the A19. Mick took the front to get
us to the bridleways again as we careered down into the wetness of the field
crossing, followed by the spooky tunnel and then the spiky singletrack towards
Seghill. We used this route on Thursday night, but this time it would prove
somewhat different. No, the path was the same, but today, somehow it looked
unfamiliar. Why? because it was under two feet of water! That didn't stop the
drive through, however, and amazingly we all made it to the Reclamation Plant
entrance although not quite as dry as five minutes before.
It was still Mick the Mad steaming away up ahead through the final juicy
singletrack before hitting Holywell. After a very short breather the Gollum took
over for the drop to the riverbank but it wasn't long before he hit a wet end
and had to backtrack as the others all rode past. We regrouped above the
concrete bridge drop as four or five different routes were used to get down
there. Then Golly again took the front along the final section. This soon became
flooded, however, and we were getting ready to turn back when Ian A, mad as a
Hatter, overtook us all and plunged straight in at the deep end, literally. It
got deeper and deeper as the river swirled around his knees, and then rose to
saddle height and swirled around his others. Cool! Anyway, from where the Gollum
was sat watching this attempted suicide unfold, the path, or should I say canal,
looked impassable, so he was first to turn back. The others quickly followed,
obviously feeling they had more to live for than Speedy! We hadn't deserted him,
however, as the plan was to throw him a net a bit further downstream. Honest.
We got to the end of the Woods and waited atop the concrete steps. It wasn't
long before a sodden Speedian turned up with that permanent grin of his, having
surely escaped death in the maelstrom by inches. Wonder what Helen feeds him on?
It was time for Mick to perform his first sock-emptying routine. "They sure are
waterproof" he keeps reminding us, "because they don't let the water out"!
Time to move on and drop down to the start of our favourite bit under the
bridge. When we got there we couldn't believe the force of the torrent sweeping
under the bridge and passing just under our elbows. Nor could we believe the
size of the trees that had been downed and now lay right across the head of the
trail. We began snapping branches off to clear a path through under the massive
trunks, about a metre above the surface of the trail. Moving on to the next one,
the Gollum actually transformed from being a useless ornament to something
slightly more useful, as he just managed to grab Tim's Camelbak and haul him
back onto the path after a branch he was bending snapped violently and sent him
towards a canoe ride without a paddle! We'd already had a belly full of laughs
at the first flooded field, but now they became crazed and almost continuous as
we set off to tackle the two initial climbs.
Here's the Great Man himself - with little Klingon friends!
The bottom of the first was wet with puddles and heaped with shale pushed into a
ridge by the force of the water. The next one, however, looked cut-off by the
intrusion of the river, but sure enough there's always gonna be somebody
prepared to have a go. This time it was Mick, and he made it look surprisingly
easy, so the rest took it in turns to follow. There were another two fairly deep
indentations in the trail to negotiate towards it's end but again we all got
through them OK, somehow.
After an extremely short gathering at the far end, on the Seaton Delaval
Waggonway, Golly dropped down the big Kiddies Downhill back into the Dene as we
turned to retrace our steps. This time, however, we stayed low at the water's
edge, and the next two crossings were even deeper than before. Once again it
took a brave man or a madman (Mick!) to discover how do-able the last one was,
and of course we all followed once we knew it was safe. I think this is where
Steve B decided his backpack needed a wash and literally launched himself into
an impromptu backstroke - not easy whilst riding a bike. Back at the bridge we
had a much needed proper rest and a snack at around 10:30. Time for Mick to
replenish the river from inside his socks again before heading up away from the
south side of the Dene and the old pit at Earsdon. Speedy led the charge up onto
the poisonous gas playground but we didn't stay in it's spongy black wilderness
for long as Golly again led the plunge down to the road.
 We
were back on familiar Waggonways now, as we crossed the diverted bridles and
dragged the bikes up to the new Shiremoor Bypass bridge. Ian took the front
again from the edge of Backworth, back through the fields and more water wading
before we reached Hillheads where we'd assembled two hours earlier. We hit the
Cramlington Waggonway again, but this time after saying ta-ta to Arthur and
crossing the road at Hillheads Farm, Jason led everyone left over towards
Weetslade. We set off up the Hill in what was now quite a deluge, but by the
time we'd all assembled at the top viewpoint it had stopped raining and the sky
was turning blue! Unbelievable! It didn't last, however, and once we'd weaved
down Speedy's rabbit-run singletrack to the road below again the rain was back.
We toured up into Wideopen then down towards Gosforth Park, stopping at
Hazlerigg Road Ends for our "proper" lunch break in a bus shelter. Again the
blue sky made a short guest appearance.
Only one trail left now, but we'd saved the best 'til last. The Speedian is
the unquestionable King of the Trail through here and he never, ever,
disappoints. Today even he managed to excel himself. We've been covering what
seemed like every inch of this place in light, dark, sun, rain, snow and all the
in-betweens for the last 3 years or so but never has it been so intoxicatingly
entertaining and gut-bustingly funny as it was this time. Eleven out of ten for
ride leadership we give Ian for this escapade. It had all the usual twists and
turns, but it went on for a good bit longer than normal. We also traversed a
good many sections we'd definitely not covered before. No matter which way he
turns and however many loops he takes, he invariably knows exactly where to
point next.
Apart from the sheer variety of trail patterns, and the obvious difficulty of
tackling this incredible, root-strewn underworld in real, proper wet, we ended
up riding through rivers where previously there was dry ground. It's just
amazing where all the water came from as the whole Park is more-or-less flat and
so many trees packed together usually means fast drainage. What the very deep
water did was add a whole new dimension to the plot, and there was a constant
stream (pardon the pun) of laughter, screams and giggles as one after the other
we all came unstuck in various places, and Steve tried to drown himself again.
The Gollum managed to cap the ride (de-cap?) by riding full tilt into a stout
overhanging branch while mesmerised by Speedy's back wheel and almost lost
consciousness after being lifted straight off the back of his bike. Some would
say he lost that years ago. Anyway, it hurt a lot, finished off his as-new head
torch and also saw the demise of his favourite Specialised helmet. Thank
goodness for helmets, once again.
Gollum in agony
while you can just about see Jason's reaction here, and that tree!
We emerged from the Park gates at the West Moor end somewhere near 1:00pm and
headed for home. There wasn't a single complaint about missing Glentress and to
a man we all had a whale of a time on this one, as well as covering 25.5 miles
as further preparation for the forthcoming Cross Country "events" in Grizedale
and Perth. Cheers, Ian, and thanks for being Cameraman!
Videos: Golly and Steve tread
carefully while Ian F
doesn't!
OK. You just KNEW I was going to do something spiteful, so I won't disappoint
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Quiz Question -
What type of person (OK, Mountain Biker)
gets stranded on Holy Island Causeway?
or
Name any two NMBC riders
who'd be likely to get stranded on Holy Island Causeway?
Keep watching and if you fancy a ride out with us, drop us a line here:
bailout@midaircrisis.org.uk
Maim a
Bike Thief - Now!
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MidAirCrisis
