This write-up dedicated to Mick H, still on vacation somewhere as hot as a helicopter gunships' smoking barrels, as he claims we're not keeping him up-to-date!

Thursday 11th July 2008 looked like being a washout as the Speedian crouched outside Gollum's cave at Holystone around 6:45pm. The sky had opened on his way around there from home, and for a while it seemed there'd only be two participants for this regular midweek ride. However, it wasn't long before Jason arrived, closely followed by Keith and new man Andy, who we obviously failed to put off on his first ride a few weeks ago! So that made five, two Specialized, two Whytes and a Decathlon, not bad when you looked up at the sky. We also had an appointment to keep with Derek over at Backworth Crossing, so off we went a wee bit later than planned due to a problem with Gollum's fingers. Explanation later. The cretin was also trying out a new front mudguard, sorry, fender, but unlike the common-as-muck stretched inner tube between the fork legs, this nutter decided to use ClingFilm. Here's the result (identity hidden to protect the guilty) 

We took the usual northern route through Holystone Farm, onto the Cramlington Waggonway at Killingworth Village then up to Hillheads before the heavens opened. That encouraged an increase in pace as Keith led us over to the bridge where we sheltered under the A19 until the rain eased off. From then on we were rain-free for an hour or two. We cut into the side of Backworth and zoomed along to the Village before ducking out east to the Crossing. No sign of Derek! Out came the midairCrisisMobe™ but Derek's phone was going to voice mail. We hung around at the barriers for quite a while before making a guess at which way Derek would come or go, then we rode on gently into the fields towards Holywell Dene. This track is a bit handy if you're trying to spot someone miles away as it's flat all around, but we didn't see any other riders, so we plunged down into the Dene and over the little bridge. Jason almost came unstuck as his slightly excessive speed and sudden lack of visibility behind sunglasses under the trees put him on a collision course for a pair of parked-up Quads. Luckily he managed to miss them and the evil little earth mounds scattered around them.

Ian and Andy were last over the bridge, but we all collected up at the houses after the slightly soggy but fun run along the riverside. We paused for a short natter at the top of the steps before hitting the road through Holywell Village, then swooping down to the head of the trail under the road. Just time to warn Andy about the two sharp climbs ahead and we were off, with hardly a foot down by anyone and a nice swooping flight following the path of the river to the Jump Park. It was half way up the final kick that Golly's phone began to play his favourite tune, the Death March. It was Derek! "Where are you?". "Home". "Oh, see you then". He'd beaten us to the rendezvous point by five minutes, largely because the stupid Gollum spent ten minutes trying to reassemble the inner fingers of his Altura waterproof gloves. These gloves have plenty going for them, for instance, they're waterproof and, er, mmm. Well, at least they're waterproof! Trouble is when you heat up, they wet from the inside, and when you stop to feed a bush, the linings pop out with your other bits of kit, and you can't get the bl@@dy things back in again. So, we were late and Derek went home again! 

We all followed Speedy down his new muddy drop to the ford, but it was under four feet of water so nobody fancied trying it out tonight. So we pushed back up the bank and continued through to Hartley on the north side of Seaton Burn. Gollum took the lead by stealth (took to the wet grass verge) and pushed the pace on the soaking, slippery track, and we almost witnessed another Speedian "YouTube" moment as he missed the little wooden bridge, falling off it's edge trying to keep up (heh, heh!), but luckily held it tyres-down to stop safely. From there we jumped up to the Coast Road into Seaton Sluice and onto the cliff edge to St Mary's Lighthouse, taking the risky "Dangerous Cliffs" route behind Golly again. We were all fairly well soaked by the time we stopped on the benches at the end of the submerged Causeway for our snack break, but almost all the wet had come off our tyres.

Following ten minutes worth of smut and lunacy, Keith shot down to the promenade and the rest of us followed as we headed up past Feathers to the trail through to Astley Drive, then we turned south west to get through to Monkseaton. Behind the estate we joined the bridleway up to Murton Village and "a path" across to the top of Cobalt Business Park. That's where Andy kept going southwards to his home in Wallsend, leaving the other four to finish on Whitley Road, arriving back at the Cave at exactly 10:00pm! Right on schedule!

Here's some unexpected piccies from the secret underarm iPhone of Our Keith!

 

Keep watching and if you fancy a ride out with us, drop us a line here: bailout@midaircrisis.org.uk