2010 - slurrrp...
Who is it this time?
The ride this Thursday, 21st January 2010 began late like the last few. This time the culprit was Tim, who had no idea that his upper jockey wheel was seized until he'd unloaded the Mongoose from his Micra's massive boot and tried to spin the rear wheel. That cost us about ten or more minutes over the scheduled 7:00pm start time. (Why is the Gollum laying blame already? Was this to be a late finish, I wonder?).
Howdy, Stranger
An awful lot of people turned out for this one, eighteen to start with and one joining in later. Well, actually they weren't awful, not to start with at least. Making a rare 2010 appearance this time was Mick, and Richy disclosed that he had Wayne out on Tuesday aswell, so he may be on the way back (although he'd bashed himself up and "done a Tim" on the ice, losing a chunk of memory and skin!
Trekkies Rule!
Have to give a mention to our latest convert, Steven Wa, who awoke from his hardtail nightmare, saw the light, and bought a full susser! Not just any old crap though - a beautiful 2010 Trek Fuel! And although its a size XXXL, its a real featherweight, incredible. And bling - oh yes. I should give a mention to Steels of South Gosforth and their attractive sale prices. But hell, why? They never mention us.
Not only is Steven's new mount Excellent, but it adds yet another Trek to the fold, making this easily the most popular brand in the Club after years of domination by the abomination (Specialized).
We decided to change direction from the last few outings and head north, initially to collect Derek and then go north a bit further still. Two of the Ians and Golly suspected there was a way through Benton Square Industrial Estate onto our favourite fields so off we went in search. That got us precisely nowhere as we just ended up circling between Whitley Road and the Great Lime Road.
Unfortunately Speedy had his head down again and was already passing Palmersville Post Office when Golly arrived at the next probable field entry just past the Metro Station, guided by Ian B, so that was the party nicely split already! We stood firm at the back, however, as a brave volunteer charged up the GLR to bring the stompers back where they should have been.
Keith, where are you?
Fortunately Ian (B) walks his dog around these parts and was able to guide us to a slit in the boundary fence. Eventually we all squeezed through and were set for a mud fest as we attempted to cover some new ground. This tract of public land between the farmer's fields was really heavy going for many, and it took some effort to cross the stile or fence half a click in. It got even harder after that as we trudged along the grassy mud before emerging at the eastern edge of Old Killy Village.
By now we were running a trifle behind schedule, and poor Derek's toes would probably be turning black again with the cold (they also do it in summer!) as he waited for us, somewhere. We did the little singletrack upslope to Hillheads and regrouped at the other side after failing to find the Gollum's lost Club phone on the way.
NMBC, where are you?
A short delay at the other side of the road came about when Matt, wearing a full wetsuit this time (see last Thursday when it appears) set about raising his rear Crud Catcher, only to snap it's seatpost bracket! Darn it! No, we didn't have needle and thread, so after scraping the accumulated crap off it's underside, he managed to strap the remains to his Camelback and we set off again over the next two fields to Burradon. That's when Derek spotted us after roaming around Northumberland all night looking for us, and tagged onto the back. Ian B and Jeff led over to Dudley, and then Golly sped off up the hill, to be passed fairly quickly by everyone else.
A couple of photos were grabbed at the top (rubbish, as usual) before Speedy romped away headed for the Wabbit Wun off the north side, followed by Golly. Their blast was halted prematurely by a fallen bramble bush just over the crest, which Ian managed to navigate around but the Gollum decided to move for everyone else's benefit. Then it was the usual comedy show as we all slithered and slipped down to the bridleway.
The ride begins...
Once we all got down, safely or otherwise, 'twas time to find some more entertainment. With Ian B up front we followed out of the Park onto his nice little stretch of singletrack, but there wasn't much racing going on as we trod carefully around the scrapyard looking out for further pockets of ice. We regrouped again on the Wideopen/Seaton Burn border before getting in line behind the Speedian again to hit the woodland.
There was a good bit of slipping and sliding going on in here and although I didn't witness it I'm led to believe Jeff caused two completely innocent colleagues to crash down hard on the ice by riding too slowly (hard to believe!). Seems they tried to overtake, one either side, but hit the glassy stuff and whoomp! Allegedly.
The Gollum dropped to the back after his bit of fun behind Ian A and counted the others into the top wood before joining them, although Chris K and he decided to melt some local ice first with hot water they'd been carrying.
Chavas Tea Party
Popping out of the wood we los no time climbing the bank over the A1, and dropping onto the newly-surfaced and widened track into the edge of Brunton Woods. Don't know what it means but there was a picture of a bike on the fence post with a red line through it.
Reaching the west side of Hazlerigg we had to run the gauntlet of a bunch of young loony tunes, shouting the usual harmless jests until it looked like we were gone, then turning on the verbals. Tossers. Were we like that?
By now we'd travelled a fair distance without a meaningful halt, so we hit the trees at Havannah and dashed up to The Clearing where we parked ourselves in the crisp night air for five or ten, enough for a drink and a snack and yet more indecipherable photies. All these reflective strips we wear on our gear these days really hamper after-dusk photography by confusing the flash sensors.
Follow the 29'er!
After Speedy had pointed the way, the Gollum sped off on a particularly icy stretch of singletrack, really pushing his luck after the Trailrakers' amazing performance on the first icy ride of the year. He managed to stay up but after the next turn towards the Great Park, he stopped to fence onto the track to take an easy walk back to see what state allow the catch-up. Jason then took over to tackle what looked like Mission Impassable over ice-covered water about a foot deep.
The rest of us were about to turn back and seek an alternative but somehow Jason, after stalling and putting a leg down under the chilly surface, managed to battle through to dryish land on the other side. That, of course, was the signal for the others to try it and the next five minutes were hilarious as wet feet became the order of the day.
Bad News Travels Slowly
Unluckily, however, Jay managed to collect a puncture when we reached him, so moving onto firmer ground 5 or 6 of us attacked his bike to get the thing running again. Cue Gas Canister Pantomime Number One. Eventually we succeeded, scratch one spare GollyTube™.
The Repair Team were just about finished on Jason's bike when they noticed some frenzied activity behind them. This time it was Speedy who's bike was short one round thing, so we pounced on that aswell and after stripping out the protective plastic tube protector (aka useless weight penalty) Ian had it ready to roll again very quickly.
Off we went again, shortcutting the proposed route due to time constraints, and again this strength-sapping section of deep, wet, muddy grass would have been perfect for Keith, shame he missed it all!
Next came the relief of the tarmac works road across to the A1 Gosforth roundabout although there was a strong breeze blowing. We formed an arrowhead peloton to beat it. Outside Gosforth Park Hotel we lost the Townies who decided to head for home as it was getting late now, around 10:15.
Derek led onto the offroad and took us up to the Golf Club. We stopped to do a head count, and from there Ian B led another group of four or five straight out along the Park Drive to Peter Barrat's and home.
Time for the Speedian to weave his trail magic again, and with Golly firmly nailed to his back wheel he set about making us dizzy in the woods. Although there was plenty tiredness by now this was right up to Ian's usual high standards as we plummeted madly through some well-trod, some completely fresh twiggery on our way through the maze.
Good while it lasted
Popping out onto Sandy Lane at the end of Phase One, we slowed but didn't stop, then Ian wound it all up again as we swooped into the top of the Golf Course trail. Half way through he slithered off the side on an icy patch and Golly found himself in front again. And as so often happens, he was concentrating so hard on keeping his speed up so as not to impede the others that he managed to pull a gap, totally shafting himself in the process, dummy. That made the normal stopping place at the wooden bridge a very welcome sight, and he managed to hold the group there a good while before agreeing to let it continue.
Off he went again, energy retrieved, but only got a hundred metres or so when that awful shout went up. He and the other couple of front runners behind him circled back off- route to find Steven's new Trek upside down and the rear wheel being lifted out. Bummer!
There were seven of us left - Steven, Pete, Ian M, Ian A, Jeff, Paul and the Gollum, and we took it in turns to either help, mock, hinder or all three as another gas attack took place. That lovely, pristine Fuel EX was now covered in gloop, punctured, upside down with its lilly-white saddle sheeted in clarts. What a laugh this turned into.
Then just as the wheel was put back, some IDIOT who shall remain anonymous, (only 2 Ians left at this point) decided to squeeze the Trek's FRONT tyre. WHY? Of course it was flat, you knew what was coming! So off we went again on yet another pi$$taking session until we were eventually out of gas canisters, out of GollyTubes® and out past our bedtime.
Back at the Cave, the Gollum was last in the cue for the bike wash and it was nearing 11:45 when he managed to get indoors. Really enjoyed this one though.
Thorns 4, Tubes 0 (hee, hee)
So. Time to stoke up some more controversy, I think. If the hiss takers would like to backtrack over the last 12 month's rides, I'm certain they'll discover that the odds are stacked fairly heavily in favour of tubeless tyres when it comes to puncture avoidance. We all live, some of us learn. Goodnight.