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Thursday night, 2nd October 2008 probably heralded the start of winter with temperatures dipping and snow expected in Northern Scotland. Even that, and a good downpour just before start time of 7:00pm didn't dampen the spirits of the Great Unwashed NMBC Clan as no fewer than loads of stalwarts dug out their bikes, lights and waterproofs for this one. And once again there was to be a fair smattering of new faces. Welcome to Stewart, Andy and maybe an Ian M and an Iain S, maybe a Mike R and a Matt H - tell you later (sorry). They joined the regulars Chris D, Chris K, Mick H, Arthur, Ian A, Ian B (no, I'm not making this up), Ian C (OK, I am now), and God knows who else for the start from Gollum's Cave. Oh, before I forget - Ian B was out on his Kona hardtail which he's just had powder coated locally, and it's a very pretty gleaming white bike now, so if you need a paint job Ian may be the man to talk to.
We made our way behind Speedian through the woods at the Rising Sun, did the Hill Edge Trail again like last week. On reaching NUFC's (who are they, then?) training ground the MACmobe® went off - it was Alex who was waiting on the Old Coast Road and then joined us before we continued down to the Powder Monkey. In fact we retraced our steps from the previous Thursday night, popping out onto the A1058 Coast Road at Wills' before moving along to Armstrong Bridge. That's where we collected the rest of the contingent in the form of three young ladies. Katy and Val have ridden with us before but this was to be Rachel's inaugural ride with the lads. We don't have an initiation ceremony but we really don't need one. Tell you why in a minute but the clue is that most new riders provide their own. Once we'd sorted out Katy's lights by fitting Golly's spare Blackburn X3 it was time for Speedy to lead us into the darkness. He didn't waste any time in providing a challenge as we slithered down the steepest track available into Jesmond Dene which caused a few dismounts and a fantastic overtaking plummet by Alex - another MACnutter™ emerges! After our first blast up a grassy rise and the first slithery mud patch we were under the Bridge and heading up to Jesmond's south side.
It was here that Gollum realised how, er, not powerful was Val's front light, so he made another donation of his remaining Blackburn X4 twin beams before allowing the ride to continue into more of Ian's tricky, dimly unlit singletracks. This lowered us into the bowels of the Dene where Katy and Rachel had a bit of fun trying to ease down the steepest descent. Rachel's light didn't look that good either (an electric candle) but there were no more spares so she had to be very careful on this section. We followed the Ouse Burn upstream with the odd slippery bit providing a moving "domino effect" as we all ran into the back of each other at each tricky obstacle, providing plenty of opportunity to either hit the person in front or be rammed from behind. And another fair dose of laughs along the way to go with it. Eventually we were all safely gathered at the bottom of Freeman Road, South Gosforth where Gollum insisted on making a snack break of about ten minutes.
We regrouped at the edge of Bluebell Woods and one by one vanished into the black. The fast lads up front got through fairly briskly apart from a couple of stumbles. That left half a dozen further back including Katy being pushed along by the Gollum and Rachel slogging it out further back with a couple of the lads around her to light the way. Now this here trail is dodgy at the best of times with it's off-camber sections of skinny singletrack just begging to be misused. It's a fair bit worse when it's soaking and sticky as it was tonight. Just the place to come unstuck if you're not careful. Or even if you ARE careful and your name is Rachel!
She was in front of the lads on the dodgiest little dip in the trail, where in daylight you can plainly see it is eroding and the edge is falling bit-by-bit into the water. This is definitely NOT the spot to stall. If you do, it is definitely NOT the spot to put both feet down. Putting ONE down is OK. However, it HAS to be your RIGHT foot. Rachel chose to lower BOTH feet, but the one that was going to take her weight was over - NOTHINGNESS!!! Just a piece of pitch black air. The result is, I'm sure, a foregone conclusion, dear reader, so I won't bore you with the detail. Yeah, right! Here's the detail -
Now I would never take advantage of a damsel in distress. However, this damsel wasn't in distress, she was in cycle pants, so here goes!
Rivers Are Cold Hypothermic Entities, Lass!
"Eeeaarrrgghhh!" rang out a shrill, soprano, vibrato female voice, shattering the night air for miles around. Giraffes bolted on the Plains of the Serengeti, elephants stampeded across the Indian lowlands, and penguins dived for refuge into the sea off Greenland. Sounds of commotion issued busily from the water's edge. Golly leapt from his bike seeing a host of dancing beams about 10 metres behind where he and Katy had just stopped at another obstacle. He rushed back to find - a mermaid! With a Mountain Bike! Submerged in the river but with one arm holding a bike aloft like the Lady of the Lake holding up Excalibur for King Arthur!
"Give me your hand!" screamed Gollum, reaching out perilously over the water, but not man enough to dive in (he hates flying, which you well know, but hates water almost as much!). "I'm freezing" came the reply from Rachel, who'd already swam two lengths and was now standing up in a couple of feet of the coldest, and possibly most pungent water in the UK."Give me your hand!" he bawled again. But Rachel just wouldn't let go of her bike. "Let f*&^%$# go of the bike, I'll get that" he insisted. But she still wouldn't ease her shivering grip on it. After the umpteenth time of asking, she reluctantly accepted the hand of rescue, while lifting her bike into the arms of Chris C or Alex, can't remember which. Women stubborn - nah, surely not!
She was pretty cold back on the bank, and Katy made the instant, executive decision to take her straight home - very wise. However, she was also extremely chirpy immediately afterwards, and where many would have thrown in the towel (poor, poor pun) she was still game enough to jump aboard for the home stint. She would have probably continued the ride, I reckon! "At least the bike's clean" she added. "And next time I'll wear a bikini". Oh gawd! Settle down, chaps. Little does she know the black liquid she'd just bathed in takes the paint off aluminium. And skin.
While the ladies made their way through the streets of Gosforth, the gentlemen took to the bridleway up behind Meldon Park and thus up to Gosforth Park for the final fling. The shout went up from Golly for a warning to be issued about Burdett's Bridge which lay waiting for the unwary a short way up the trail. We all got over that successfully and it was the usual manic 'follow the leader' through the Jungle as Speedy took the reins once more in his fave playground. The party became divided in here - strange, that (not!) for about 10 minutes, but gradually the glare of the lights brought us all back together again for the last dash to the road and relative calm. We split up outside the gates with riders branching off in all directions, and the few who'd parked at the Cave got back there just about on 10:00pm.
Another fairly average Thursday night leg stretcher, an exceptional turnout of 17 riders, but really with one event making it stand out head and shoulders above all others, surely to be remembered forever. Thank you so much Rachel - Rookie of the Year! (and by the way, she isn't the first as it's only three or four weeks since Ian A did this at Brunton, but that was no accident!)
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