Thursday 3rd July 2008 looked pretty bad if you looked up at the sky, with black clouds looming from the south west. So, the intrepid mountainbikateers headed off into the clouds for this quick dash around Tyneside. Participants this time were Chris D, Jason, Keith, Terry H, the Speedian and fellow Reiver Ian X, who we've just discovered lives in the MAC/NMBC heartland of Forest Hall! Welcome Ian, nice to have you along. Only one problem with that, really - Ian is another Old Stager and very accomplished mountain biker, so he didn't follow the rules and fall off on his first ride with us - tut, tut. He also has a son who's into Downhill Racing and he has done a fair bit of DH himself, so no surprise that our flat ride couldn't catch him out.

Speedy Ian A led us down into the greenery behind ASDA as the heavens opened. Luckily he managed to plot a course that kept us under tree cover far what seemed ages as we zigzagged through previously unridden territory. I reckon Ian gets up around 2.00am every morning and sneaks out to see new trails. This was great fun as we tried to dodge overhanging branches and extremely close tree spindles. There were even a few low take-off ramps but you missed them if you were up somebody's rear end. Metaphorically speaking.

Emerging from the copse we hit the Rising Sun Edge Trail below The Hill and blasted through that behind Speedy again, with one or two helmets being adjusted by the overhangs. Metaphorically speaking. It was also time for the nettle stings to make their presence felt on the bare-legged brigade. From the foot of the Hill we rode up it eastwards before taking the plunge off the top. Golly led down that bit, and apart from being sprayed from his front wheel by the wet grass, there were also beads of sweat on his bonce after he failed to stop for the bridge turn, the Decathlon's tyres just sliding away as the anchors went on. That made the fool limp for a while. metaphorically speaking, and in the leg.

Time to chase through Battle Hill again with Ian again pointing the way, and he took us under the Coast Road, but not before he had dropped it at the top of the underpass, the surface being super-slidy after the rain, which had now stopped. Next up was the extremely dodgy eastern edge of the Burn, which also had most of us screaming in agony as the nettles and brambles inflicted savage revenge on the intruding bikers. But not before Ian had dropped it at the top of the underpass, the surface being extremely dodgy after the rain, which had now stopped. Ian managed to spill half way through causing Terry to bail out into the spiky stuff, and there was more carnage behind for some as the side of the trail becomes ever more slippery and the whole thing narrows, particularly at one or two off-camber spots. It's a long way down to the Burn if you get one of these wrong!

The bulk of the party were headed out the south west corner into Wallsend before the Gollum intervened and diverted them east again towards the foot of Rose Hill Bank. A wrong turning over a footbridge resulted in a steep staircase climb, and half way up that the Gollum suffered one of those male-only injuries when he slipped off the pedal trying to get mounted on the RockRider. Metaphorically speaking. At the top we took a few moments to study the new earthworks currently under way down in the old bowl of the Burn. No idea what they're doing there unless it's related to the new Tyne Tunnel or Burnside School. Then it was time to follow jason through from Shields Road to the Metro station on Hadrian Road. Gollum took the staircase, the others sensibly used the ramps.

We dropped down to the last bridge and saw Ian scuttle off ahead through our recently-discovered short section of bushy singletrack with Terry hot on his tail. More nettles and more stings. Not just for the short-trousered majority, but the short-sleeved aswell. Next stop the Tyne Tunnel, and a record four-in-a-lift as the elevators were off on the south side. Then it was a gentle cruise along to the riverside at Hebburn where we stopped for an extended rest halt. While we were there, young Chris made the fatal mistake of asking for advice about his Mongooses gear changing habits. The whole squad then proceeded to pull him and it to bits as they discovered that only the paint and front forks were working as they should! In fact, his back wheel was rocking and rolling all over the place with a good 10mm of sideways play at the tyre. Time for a spend, we decided. Luckily Chris has just landed a new job with enhanced remuneration - he's gonna need it!

We moved on along the riverside, up and down the slopes and drops through the tree cover until we emerged at the end of Green Lane where there's a diversion in place for riverside building work. We halted just short of the Millennium Bridge for another breather where Keith produced our only camera, his iPhone toy, and proceeded to display all the artistry of a Royal Photographer as he arranged us nicely for a piece of cheese. And I got to handle his toy! Metaphorically speaking.

The biggest collection of Whyte E5's ever seen together (2)

J. Arthur's pad.

Once over the bridge it was time for the climb up under Byker Bridge for the home leg. We dragged ourselves up there, no surprise that Terry was first up to Heaton Park Road, and once more Speedian took over as we hit the Park. His little singletrack drop to the stone doorway was a thrill-a-minute as the turns were so slimy, and once again thorn bushes and nettles made their presence felt. We took another short pause here for a bush inspection (metaphorically speaking) before moving on along the top of the Ouse Burn and up under Armstrong Bridge into Jesmond. Next came the scary plummet down to the Gollum's Coat Bridge, where there were muffled screams as the back-enders discovered how tricky the damp steps were. Ian X commented on how much cement had fallen out of his dentures, but otherwise we were unscathed.

Here's a failed Armadillo Kevlar puncture-proof tyre.

MidAirCrisis add a touch of class to the entrance of Fisherman's Lodge Restaurant!

We'd only done our little sliver of singletrack behind the fence to Pet's Corner when guess what happened? Chris, aka Rubber Man, got yet another puncture! Maybe we shouldn't have discussed tubeless tyres earlier in the ride, it was surely tempting Fate. Poor old Chris seems to get them all these days. It was here that Terry decided, with darkness looming around 9:30, that he should head off home as he always has that extra leg down to Cullercoats which we tend to disregard. He always gets done like this when we ride west from the Toon. Next Thursday we do it Coastal so he gets the early knock-off, or when he's next available as I think he's tied up for the next couple of outings.

Once Golly had finished inspecting the inside of Chris' tube (metaphorically speaking) and the others had screamed at him to get a move on, another tube from Chris' stock of thousands was pushed into the wheel and we were away again. Keith took the reins from her, to keep us on the faster flat stuff. he made sure nobody tried to lengthen the ride by scuttling off into the trees again. We reached South Gosforth around 10:15pm and took to the Coxlodge Waggonway to hurry back home. When we reached Whitley Road to split from the two Ians and Keith, Jason found his legs wouldn't stop so he just kept on riding, knowing he'd never get 'em going again! Chris and Golly did stop to say goodbyes, by which time Jay had almost disappeared, and we couldn't catch him. We got back to the cars at 10:30, with just enough time for the Gollum to inspect the troublesome Mongooses back wheel spindle. Thankfully it turned out to be just loose cones, so that was fixed in a jiffy meaning a little less outlay required for Chris after all.

Dunno how many miles we chalked up, but Terry must have got near 30 for this one. Good ride anyway, and a great laugh as usual. See you next time, fellow sufferers.

 

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Keep watching and if you fancy a ride out with us, drop us a line here: bailout@midaircrisis.org.uk