Today we did something a bit unusual, for a change. And yes, it was a Tuesday. 15th April 2008 to be precise. Luckily, it just so happened that four of us - Ian A (The Speedian), Steve W (The Shepherd - under review), Jason K (The Flash) and Terry K (The Gollum) had managed to persuade/cajole/tell blatant lies to wives/partners/work and get the day off to play bikies after Ian had suggested it as a possibility. So after gathering at the unearthly hour of 7:00am at Gollum's Cave, we set off for delightful Dalbeattie, to give Ian and Steve their first sight of the famous and awe-inspiring Slab. We managed to get away around 7:15am and Jason piloted the GollyMobile up to the Seven Stanes trail centre just west of Dumfries.

Arriving at 10:00ish we were ready to ride at twenty past in cool, pale sunlight and cloud. It looked wise to gear up for wet weather, and all but the Gollum did so. Golly led into the trail, meeting loads of singletrack that wasn't there on his last visit. It was closely followed by a similar amount of new boardwalk timber runs, and the 7 Stanes trail builders had used this to bypass loads of boring fireroad climb to create a fresh opening to the ride. Dalbeattie has the lowest rise of any of the Stanes anyway, and this has made it even more palatable, especially for new riders. You'd have to confirm that with Speedian, however, as he found it initially hard going, but he had been out on two wheels for 3 hours the previous day, unlike the rest of us. At least he'd found the troublesome problem with the gears on his Stumpy - the jockey wheel bearings were shot!

First new landmark was this interesting world map, perched on a viewpoint about 20 minutes in.

Five minutes later another landmark - but this time not one of Man's making!

And after another 40 minutes worth of wriggling along singletrack and climbing switchbacks, we arrived at the Prize, probably the single most talked about item in Mountain Biking - The Slab! Now in Gollum's short experience of this thing, which he has conquered many times but also wiped himself out on, not too many people are prepared to take it on at their first visit here. This would surely hold good for Steve and Ian. Golly took them both down on foot, first down The Qualifier, a stone block chute that precedes The Slab and is supposed to put you off the latter if you can't conquer this first. That had the desired effect on both newbies, who were just not interested in having a go. Here's Ian, poised for the short drop off 0.5 slabs -

and Steve, preparing to do the same -

And the videos to match -

Standing at the summit of The Slab looking down had the same effect again. However, after Jason and Golly had demonstrated how they tackle both straight off without stopping, curiosity began to creep in! Both Ian and Steve accepted the somewhat lesser challenge of the half-way drop after another demo, and both made that look easy. We all know it's not, certainly at first glance. Anyway, something must have triggered Speedian's adrenalin motor and he announced his intention to do the Big One aswell! Steve declined, but determined to come back and claim it's scalp some day.  Ian managed to capture rare footage of Golly, here following Jason down the Qualifier 1.2MB

Well, although we thought he'd come over the lip at a strange angle, he got away with it and descended like a past master, so well done Ian. And well done Steve, as he had also done what few of Golly's fellow riders would on their first trip here, or even more than one! We moved on, down the remaining chunk of rocky single to the fireroad below. When we reached it, Steve's grin was as wide as a barn door, he was just loving this, and also the way his new Stumpy Pro was handling the extremely rough terrain which characterises this place. Ian was enjoying it just as much but wishing he could get the old legs wound up a bit more. However, there was no rigid pace and we had loads of short stops along the way as we soaked up the calm and beauty of the forest and views over to the Solway Firth with hardly anyone but ourselves out here.

Steve and Ian emerge from the Slab trail Jay adds some tension

The climbing stage took us to the next obstacle with Gollum at the helm, and we stopped above the Terrible Twins for another reconnaissance study. After a bit of discussion between Jason and Gollum on the best line to take down this two-shot granite drop, Golly moved back a few metres and prepared to tackle the drop, as the other three took up the best viewing positions to see how to avoid his mistakes. Mistakes? Are you joking? No sweat, these two tiddly lumps of rock. Over the lip he went, eyes firmly focussed on his chosen line, and just as the Decathlon's front wheel reached the flat gap between the Twins, it stopped dead on a raised lip and the poser proceeded to implement a perfect Flying W straight over the handlebars. Blue arrow marks the little rock lip that caused Gollum's Demise, and the red ball is where his head met Mother Earth.

He landed square on the right side of his forehead, hands still loosely attached to the handlebars which were now upside down behind him. And it hurt, quite a lot. There was instant headache followed by a dripping from his right nostril. "Oh-oh!", he thought to himself, as he watched himself being born, growing up, jilted by his first girlfriend and married (first time) to the biggest swine on the planet - all within the space of a few seconds. "Am I dead?" he wondered as his hands grabbed his head. He heard Steve's voice telling him to sit up slowly, while he could hear chuckles from somewhere else. The steady drip, drip, drip from his nasal cavity turned out to be brown slime. No, not Gollum brain material, but sloppy wet mud after his outstanding hooter had shovelled it up on landing. The usual "Are you OK?"s rang in his imploding ear drums, and of course he had to say "Aye". After a bit of collective sympathy and a forced delay by Doctor Steve (new nickname?) and his Facial Wipes, the ride restarted, ready for the next set of inclines.

More lumpy singletrack followed this climb, with plenty of trail edge boulders to avoid and rock gardens to traverse, as the rain came tumbling down, together with sleet, hail and other queer stuff. It didn't spoil the ride, however, as these trails are just too much entertainment to allow that. Luckily, The Slab had been bone dry when we got to it although the trails on the way were very wet in places. Jacob's Ladder was the next lumpy bit of note, and in fact the last major item on the ride, which we ended in similar weather conditions to the ones we started in, threatening but not raining, thankfully.

Videos - Steve and Jason climb down the ladder  followed by Ian

A quick vote, followed by a look at first the sky, and then the clock, confirmed we just about had time to dash back down the road to Mabie Forest and do that Seven Stanes trail aswell, so we did. We started this ride at about 3:15pm and Gollum led the way up the initial, gentle climb through the trees behind the Bike Shed. We were the only bikers on the trial, it seemed, but a few were leaving as we arrived.

We'd done the first bit and were heading along the diverted section of fireroad when the sky suddenly darkened. Once more Ian was having to haul his tired bod up the drags at a slightly slower rate than normal, but he caught us just in time to climb under the trees for shelter on the Contour Climb as the lightning and wet stuff began to rain down on us. (Under the trees, did you say?). We waited about 10 minutes for it to ease before scooting off again up more very damp singletrack and onto the Descender Bender, but soon reached the downhill bits and didn't let the wetness interfere with our descent speed, well, not very much. We kept coming across more new bits of trail and boardwalk, although it is a while since we were here so maybe it's not that new.

Steve talks to the trees, as you do

The long singletrack swoop down to Stan's Pond was taken with Jason at the front, then Golly with the two "new boys" tucked in behind. This is a very long stretch of downhill mowing if you don't pause at the Pond like we did, where Golly took over the lead daring the rest to catch him. prick. They caught him half way up The Scorpion, that horrible narrow ribbon of worn earth that just keeps going up in a straight line. Steve made the best job of climbing it, and in fact managed to keep his feet on the pedals all the way to the fireroad at it's crest. Impressive, and once again he was well pleased with the new Stumpy's climbing ability, as well as his own I would think. There followed a short lesson on low traction climbing by the Gollum, who knows how to do it but hasn't got the power needed!

Up to this point, at both trails Jason had been fantastic on the climbs, pulling up very slowly at times but very hard on his singlespeeder, which he's now upgraded and at last has a pair of 85 to 130mm forks up front instead of those stupid rigid pipes. It made high speed progress a little better but he still missed his Whyte E-5 (who wouldn't?) which was in for repair back home.

We kept having short stops as we continued the next climbing section and reached the turning point of the ride to head for home. More fast singletrack was swallowed up as tired legs tried to maintain the pace all the way to the finish. This came all too soon here at Mabie, which is a pretty short hop with the current diversions in place, added to the fact that we just don't do the Kona Dark Side because wood planks are, well, wood planks.

We were ready to head back home at 6:00pm and made it to Golly's Cave for exactly 8. Another great ride with only the one major "off" for the one who really should know better, a nice lump on the cheekbone, a black eye and headache that lasted a week as a result. Also some very tired legs the next day for all of us, confirmed by e-mail and text.

 

LATEST! During our second rain shelter stop at Mabie, it seems poor Jason must have sat on something evil, and it spent the following week digesting the outer sheath of his tentacles. Pretty scary, very uncomfortable, extremely itchy and cause for medical concern, but thankfully not highly contagious. Here he is, just waiting for the tick to bite!

 

Keep watching and if you fancy a ride out with us, drop us a line here: bailout@midaircrisis.org.uk